Love

>>I love my students. I try not to admit that to them. I already have the issues with being a young teacher in a room full of 12-15 year olds. I try not to express that attitude toward them because I already get enough uncomfortable comments from teachers and parents and kids etc. But, I love them. I love each and everyone of them. Some of them I feel more for, because I have had to be there for them through so much crap. I have taught them important lessons, and I just.. I love them. These kids are my life. and I try to express that to them. Sometimes they understand, other times they dont. Today, I was given a gift that I dont think I could ever ever give away. It was given to me by Jamie: My student who was in the children's shelter during christmas. Who's mom is in rehab/jail right now. We made mothers day cards in class today and he refused to make his mom one, so he made me a card. Inside he wrote (in his horrible spelling ways) . "I love you mom". then inside a heart he wrote "I love you like a mom" and below he wrote "When I am sad. When I cry. You make me happy" This student makes more nutty comments about being in love with than I can count. but, this touched me in a way I could not explain. I love jaime. and I want to be there to help him. Almost everday he tells me "God doesnt love me" "I want to just die and kill myself" I try to express how I refuse to let this happen. That, I will be there for him and take care of him forever. I dont know if he just doesnt believe me, or just hasnt had someone in his life for that long to actually believe that it is possible. but I swear. I will be there. I just.. I cannot express what I thought when i received that.

>> Sam, also explained to me today that "I never want to have kids"
Me: WHy? Why never?
Sam: Well, because I dont want them to have my DNA.
Me: What?! Why? you are so thoughtful and caring, kids would be lucky to have you.
sam: no! I dont want them to have my DNA. Plus, no girls like me. so I'll never get married.


It almost makes me sad. I wish I could give these kiddos the hope they need. Somehow, it's never enough.