Emergency

>>I had a emergency happen yesterday. It is SO hard for me to miss work, because I know how hard it is for my students to have a sub, let alone on a monday morning, let alone without warning. I did it anyways yesterday. Apparently A LOT of stuff happened yesterday that I wasn't aware of, but I am glad I was not. The sub/"witch-aide" just handled it. They dealt with it. And then Witch-aide brought me lunch today. That was beyond unnecessary but really appreciated. I feel cared about, and loved. It was nice to come back to that. But, I will never be absent again without warning. ACK.

>> One of my students got in trouble today because he was telling girls he was going to "rape them". This is in NO WAY okay. He was saying it because he knew it was horrible and awful but he wanted a rise/attention from the girls. I told him mom, and she just said, " oh I don't think he knows what that means" UH! I HOPE NOT. He ended up doing it AGAIN, so he got in major trouble because that is not safe or okay to say. Update on this later when I know more.

Quote:

Sam: AH! It feels liked my bone was removed! wait.. I mean it feels like ants are in the flesh of my leg!

"Witch-Aide"

>>My new aide is fine. She is not fantastic. But, she has been doing fine. She has been doing this for a long time, and so she knows how to be strict, and get work done. She knows how to reward, and pay attention, and just handle things. It is fine. This is not something I am proud of, but of course I need to have a nickname for someone if I am going to blog about her. (hopefully this year will just fly by without issues involving her - but I am not holding my breath). She does this thing with her lips.. where her lips are persued (is that the right word?) and moved to the side. and then she constantly licking her lips. Well yesterday when she went to take the students down to the bus:
Sam: what is wrong with her lips?
Me: What do you mean?
Sam: well they are like black!
Me: I think that is just her lipstick
Sam: well, she shouldn't wear that! It looks creepy and it makes her look like a witch!
Nick: yeah! and with those creepy fingernails! she does look like a witch!
Sam: she should be a witch for halloween! and she can go around saying "I"LL GET YOU MY PRETTY!"
Me: Don't say that you guys! that's not nice.

(But really I am trying so hard not to laugh inside)
So, there we have it Witch-aide.
Things have been okay. I am SO SO SO jaded. It's so crappy. I hate it. I feel like something else will come up to screw me, so I am on my guard. But. I am def better. Definitely better.

Apologies

>>I think sometimes I blog in anger. I mean, I KNOW sometimes I blog in anger. In sadness. In extreme stress. It's mostly because I want to blog exactly how I am feeling at any given moment, and I like not editing myself. But, then sometimes I go back and reread and it looks like a pity party. It looks like I am trying to make people feel badly for me. I am not. I really love my job. I love my students. But, I'm tired of politics involved with EVERYTHING I do. I am tired that I learned on thursday that my I.A. is changing AGAIN. I am tired of investing time and energy into these people only to have my director CHANGE on me again. It's not easy to invite someone into my classroom, introduce them to myself, my life, my students, my curriculum, only to have things change. Usually it is not their fault, but it's tiring. So, now I have entered a place of indifference. Which I hate. I just look at the situation like.. "eh, whatever". I don't like feeling this way, but the course this year has taken has lead me to this point. My student's have taken on the same feeling, and that's not fair. Many of their lives are in constant turmoil, and school has to be a place of consistency and order. They thrive on this, and right now they are not feeling that way. But, what can I do? I can put on a happy face, and deal with it. Even though inside I just want to scream, or give up, or cry. That is not an option.

>>So, again I apologize for dramatic blog posts. I like to post in the moment in order to accurately display how I am feeling. But, then I regret it when I see the comments. I promise funny stories and quotes will come soon. I am trying to find the fun again. Thank you for sticking through the crap. :)

Again

>>I can't even think about today. It wasn't bad. Just bad. But, thinking about it totally frustrates. Aide changes yet again. Secrets. Going behind people's backs. Running. Stabbing. Hiding. Tonic water in the face. Disappointed. I am just tired. I want to blog. I WANT to blog what happened, but right now I just can't. I just can't.

>>This happens. It'll pass. I am not even angry, or sad, or really that frustrated. I am just tired.

Gossip

>>I am so sick of gossip. Don't get my wrong, I am as nosey and interested and chatty as the next person. I want to know whats going on, with who, and when, and all that. But, it seems in every single work environment there is going to be gossip and cattiness. I pride myself in being a good friend. I balance the lines where I seem to get along with pretty much everyone. There have been MORE than a few times where I find two people complaining about the other person to me. I find myself in the middle. I find myself hearing about the issue from both sides. I listen, give my two cents and move on. Occasionally I try to drop hints in order to resolve conflicts. But the majority I just want to be there for my friends, and listen. "grouch-aid" (Wow, maybe that name needs to change) is dating the RSP teacher. Did I say that? Well apparently RSP teacher is telling people that I am not trustworthy. That nobody should trust me. That anything that I am told goes directly to our director of special ed. This is annoying and upsetting. He should take the name grouch-teach. Because he is. He's bossy, mean, and a bully. And it drives me crazy. I should just move on. Ignore. Be the bigger person but this hurts my feelings. I want people to think I am trustworthy. I dont' want to be stuck in this middle of this gossipy trash. I hate it. And I hate that it gets to me. The best thing would be to ignore right? But, why does that seem so impossible..

Urggg.

Update

>>I changed my background to halloween-y type. I thought it was fun, and I needed a change. I needed something new. I am still learning blogspot, and how to tweak things so I like them, but I'll probably never get it perfect. "grouch-aid" (as she is so nicely called) had her last day friday, and the new I.A. came and learned her way around. She was AMAZING so far. She is new, so she's fresh and not jaded. She wants to do things correctly. She took the science book home to prepare for next week. She offered to take papers home to grade because she rarely sleeps (She said insomnia) After school she asked me what she was supposed to do? I told her, "well, now you can go home?" She was so surprised! She asked if there was anything else she could do. THIS WAS AMAZING. she came out in the hot sun, and played basketball with us. She took the students to the bus. Helped the kids get their lunches. Stuff I did, but really shouldnt have done. LIFE IS GOING TO BE AMAZING if this continues. It is nice to have someone who WANTS to be there. Someone I dont have to tiptoe around. Someone I don't have to WORK to show them how amazing my kiddos are. That is what I deserve. I don't deserve to have to make someone's life easier just because they don't want to work in my classroom. That's how it was. I GAVE into too many demands from her, when I never did that before for ANYONE. I didn't do some lessons/work that I BELIEVED IN, because she complained how much she hated that type of stuff. I regret this. I should never let anyone dictate how I teach. I did so much for my students last year, that I regret not doing what I could have for this last month. Things will be different now.
>>I have this new curriculum called SIPPS. My goal this weekend was to organized and learn the first few lessons so I can start to teach it this week. Of course it is now Sunday, and I put it off, but I still have today, and I will prepare and learn it. This program may be a LITTLE too advanced for some of my kiddos, but we'll get them there. It really focus' on phonic sounds, which pairs with sight words, gibberish words, weekly spelling lists (Even though I already do this). Hopefully I can supplement additional stories that match with the sound for the lesson, and I can extend one lesson for a whole week. I am excited. I am excited to start fresh, and prove what I can do.