Pain

>>Blogger has been such a pain lately.. Not letting me log in and such. That's why I haven't been blogging. My students have been gems. For a second today I was so frustrated with my 7th graders. I guess I am bias because I have such fun with my 8th graders. They are funny, and sarcastic, and amazing. And sometimes I get frustrated with my 7th graders. I shouldnt lump them all in together, but really they take after each other. They stick together and they are similar. When graduation comes, it is going to be sad. These 8th graders are the first group of students I have had for 3 years (well 2 1/2, but they were always mine) It is going to be rough.

Quote:

Sam: My brother says I am full retarded. But, I am totally not full retarded, I am only part.

--

Nick: Sam, do you have ants in your pants?
Sam: What?? Do I have ASS in my pants?? ASS in my pants? Did you say ASS in my pants?
me: STOP SAYING CUSS WORDS!


>> I am thinking of starting a twitter that I post quotes from my students. It seems like it would be quick and I could do it during school.. Maybe link with my blog? Maybe.. maybe..

I hope I will post before the holidays but if not.. Happy Holidays to all :)

new blogger??

>>New Blogger format is pretty nutty. I hate change!

>>Coming back from vacation is nuts! I have two triennial IEP's due this week, plus an annual which I have been putting off. For those who do not know, when a student has an IEP (an individualized education plan) they are given goals to meet each each. Goals usually have to do with areas that the student is able to do in the regular education classroom. Perhaps they do not know how to multiply. This is something that is taught in the 3rd and 4th grade. If the student has not mastered this, and is in the 6th or 7th grade, a IEP goal can focus on multiplying and then the special education teacher focuses on a student learning these goals. Every year on the same date students have an annual IEP. Goals are revisited and new ones are written, accommodations are modified, placement is discussed etc. Well every 3 years the students have a triennial IEP. In this IEP the students are completely reassessed using formal assessments in all areas in which they receive services to determine if special education services are still needed. So, after all that mumbo jumbo, when a student has a triennial IEP A LOT more work goes into it. Each student is assessed by AT LEAST a special education teacher and a psychologist. Reports are written, compared and we discussed that they still qualify under their certain disabilities. But, along with this all the same things need to be revisited and touched on. I know. Feel bad for me :)  I did nothing involving work all thanksgiving break, so it has been work work work for the last two days.

>>A student from a resource class  comes into my class now and works on her math, today the quote of the day comes from her.
We were discussing how some people do not celebrate Christmas.
Girl: Did you know Santa Claus is real?
Me: Really?
John: I know who my Santa Claus is, my mom.
Girl: No, my friend told me. Santa Claus is real.
Me: Well that's neat!
Girl: Yeah, except I heard he died. I think he got hit by a car a few years back.

learning

>>One thing I love about being a teacher is the learning aspect. Every year, every month, every second I am learning new strategies, new lessons, new everything that will work with my students. One minute you think you have the best most effective teaching methods. And the next you see something that completely blows you out of the water. I love that. I have recently becoming obsessed with a website called pinterest. It has a whole education section, where people post interesting items related to education. I have found SO much I want to do in my class just in the last few days. Everyday I am printing out file folder games, organization tips, sight word worksheets etc. I have also found about a billion teacher blogs, who instead of complaining all the time, use their blog to share resources and post work sheets that they use. I think I may start doing this. I want to be a productive member of my teaching experience. And although it is only my 2nd year, I think it's time to get it together, figure out what I need for my students and either find it or create it.

>>I had an impossible day today with a certain student, and I finally stood up to his mother regarding a few issues. IT FELT AMAZING. I always tiptoe around parents, but sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe is best for the student, and I finally did! I am so proud of myself.

>>Finally, this has been brought to my attention recently, and I think it needs to be addressed. "witch-aide" is an awful name for my new and really permeant aide. I LOVE HER. She is beyond amazing. A perfect balance of sarcastic humor (that fits in perfectly with me!), toughness, love, creativity, and fun. She is AMAZING. She brings in extra food to share with everyone. She's kind, funny, and just awesome. Her new name needs to be amazaide! I am very happy. I will post a picture of the new bulletin board she made during our half-day week.

>>Another thing I need to touch base with is confidentiality. I know I SHARE a lot of daily happenings, my life, my students life, their disabilities, etc. Every name in my blog has been changed. Most of you know who I am. Know my personal name. But, that is mentioned no where in this blog. The school I work at, even the state I live in is left out specifically so I feel like I can share everything and not feel like I need to leave anything out. I honestly hope I am covering all my basis, but I honestly don't know. If there is something else I should be doing please let me know.

yup

>>So it turns out there was a gas leak. I sat all day in my classroom teaching, etc with a gas leak. Then today I had to teach while they worked on the roof, turned off my heat, and gave me a space heater which my students crowded around to keep warm from turn the first 2 periods. Don't say I am not flexible.

>>I forgot something totally funny (sort of) that happened yesterday because of all the drama. My T.A. asked to study for his history test instead of filing/copying/correcting. So, he is sitting at the table, looking through the book and he is writing stuff on his arm! I called him out about it, and he said something along the lines of, "It's no big deal! It's just like taking notes except on my arm!" I looked at him and said, "so if I call your history teacher they will think this is no big deal?" He proceeded to almost get upset me with when I told him to wash off what was on his arms. I had to sit EVERYONE down and explain to them that I may be young, and we may be close like a family in my classroom but, I still am their teacher, and they still are expected to follow the rules. I could not believe it. WOW.

It has been a while.

>>Things are peaceful. (wait.. should I repeat that?) Things are SO peaceful. My students are good. Witch-aide is good. My students are a little nutty but when I try and look at the funny side of things they make my smile more than frown. Sometimes I need to just take a deep breath, go a little slower and I realize how VERY lucky I am. My little neck of the woods are happy. I am making more friends at work, becoming part of a team. Its glorious! I feel like I belong (now if I only I could get my teaching credential scores, so I ACTUALLY HAVE A CREDENTIAL - that would be awesome)
>>My home-hospital is going well. I am teaching her things she has never learned and I have no experience in these areas, so I am proud of myself. I am proud to see that I am GOOD at teaching and it's not just a fluke that I am good at SDC, I am good with other types of students.
>>Today when I got to school, my classroom was smelly. I assumed that it was old food left in someones desk. Or just smelly P.E. clothes. I plugged in a new air freshener and went about my day. The other SDC class is down the hallway 2 doors down. During 5th the janitor was checking the crawl space to see if something was dead under there because it smelled in all the classrooms. The found an ancient dead turtle and some dead rats/mice (super gross) come 6th period when my principals come up and say that they think it may be a gas leak and my class needs to evacuate to another room for 7th period. The 2 SDC classes (all 13 of the kiddos, 3 aides and 2 teachers) went into another room for 7th period. it was pretty nutty. I kept looking at all those kids, all those things going on and thinking i taught this many kids, plus 5 more last year. I was in control of this many aides, and this many wild ones. I couldn't believe it. How did I survive? no wonder I went nutty most of last year. No wonder I was stressed and going crazy. I AM NOT SURPRISED. I am proud of myself for surviving it all, but I am so thankful for Mr. N (that is what I am going to call the other SDC teacher) I want him to stay forever and forever, because he's a great teacher, he works wel with the kids, but also because he saves my butt all the time by teaching the rambunctious kiddos. He needs to stick around. Anyways, the gas leak caused me to run away from school right when the bell rang because I just did not want to risk it. We will find out tomorrow what is going on.

>>In other news, everyone remember Jamie from last year? My student who was taken away from his mother, stayed in the children's shelter over christmas. Lived with his uncle? and then ended up moving in with his half sister and OTHER uncle a few hours away? Well, I heard from his advocate and apparently he is having a really rough time at his new school and at his new house. He's becoming violent, and agressive and keeps complaining about coming back to my class. His aunt emailed me and has been saying she is going to call to talk about what we did with Jamie and why he was so successful in my class. Why was he so successful? Because we were a family. We cared about those kids like they were OUR kids. especially Jamie. I loved him so much, and I wanted to be able to take care of him. I am concerned and worried and I hope I can still see him being successful and I hope I can be there to help him through it.

>> I know I had more to post, but this is what I can think of for now. I will try and keep up.

Emergency

>>I had a emergency happen yesterday. It is SO hard for me to miss work, because I know how hard it is for my students to have a sub, let alone on a monday morning, let alone without warning. I did it anyways yesterday. Apparently A LOT of stuff happened yesterday that I wasn't aware of, but I am glad I was not. The sub/"witch-aide" just handled it. They dealt with it. And then Witch-aide brought me lunch today. That was beyond unnecessary but really appreciated. I feel cared about, and loved. It was nice to come back to that. But, I will never be absent again without warning. ACK.

>> One of my students got in trouble today because he was telling girls he was going to "rape them". This is in NO WAY okay. He was saying it because he knew it was horrible and awful but he wanted a rise/attention from the girls. I told him mom, and she just said, " oh I don't think he knows what that means" UH! I HOPE NOT. He ended up doing it AGAIN, so he got in major trouble because that is not safe or okay to say. Update on this later when I know more.

Quote:

Sam: AH! It feels liked my bone was removed! wait.. I mean it feels like ants are in the flesh of my leg!

"Witch-Aide"

>>My new aide is fine. She is not fantastic. But, she has been doing fine. She has been doing this for a long time, and so she knows how to be strict, and get work done. She knows how to reward, and pay attention, and just handle things. It is fine. This is not something I am proud of, but of course I need to have a nickname for someone if I am going to blog about her. (hopefully this year will just fly by without issues involving her - but I am not holding my breath). She does this thing with her lips.. where her lips are persued (is that the right word?) and moved to the side. and then she constantly licking her lips. Well yesterday when she went to take the students down to the bus:
Sam: what is wrong with her lips?
Me: What do you mean?
Sam: well they are like black!
Me: I think that is just her lipstick
Sam: well, she shouldn't wear that! It looks creepy and it makes her look like a witch!
Nick: yeah! and with those creepy fingernails! she does look like a witch!
Sam: she should be a witch for halloween! and she can go around saying "I"LL GET YOU MY PRETTY!"
Me: Don't say that you guys! that's not nice.

(But really I am trying so hard not to laugh inside)
So, there we have it Witch-aide.
Things have been okay. I am SO SO SO jaded. It's so crappy. I hate it. I feel like something else will come up to screw me, so I am on my guard. But. I am def better. Definitely better.

Apologies

>>I think sometimes I blog in anger. I mean, I KNOW sometimes I blog in anger. In sadness. In extreme stress. It's mostly because I want to blog exactly how I am feeling at any given moment, and I like not editing myself. But, then sometimes I go back and reread and it looks like a pity party. It looks like I am trying to make people feel badly for me. I am not. I really love my job. I love my students. But, I'm tired of politics involved with EVERYTHING I do. I am tired that I learned on thursday that my I.A. is changing AGAIN. I am tired of investing time and energy into these people only to have my director CHANGE on me again. It's not easy to invite someone into my classroom, introduce them to myself, my life, my students, my curriculum, only to have things change. Usually it is not their fault, but it's tiring. So, now I have entered a place of indifference. Which I hate. I just look at the situation like.. "eh, whatever". I don't like feeling this way, but the course this year has taken has lead me to this point. My student's have taken on the same feeling, and that's not fair. Many of their lives are in constant turmoil, and school has to be a place of consistency and order. They thrive on this, and right now they are not feeling that way. But, what can I do? I can put on a happy face, and deal with it. Even though inside I just want to scream, or give up, or cry. That is not an option.

>>So, again I apologize for dramatic blog posts. I like to post in the moment in order to accurately display how I am feeling. But, then I regret it when I see the comments. I promise funny stories and quotes will come soon. I am trying to find the fun again. Thank you for sticking through the crap. :)

Again

>>I can't even think about today. It wasn't bad. Just bad. But, thinking about it totally frustrates. Aide changes yet again. Secrets. Going behind people's backs. Running. Stabbing. Hiding. Tonic water in the face. Disappointed. I am just tired. I want to blog. I WANT to blog what happened, but right now I just can't. I just can't.

>>This happens. It'll pass. I am not even angry, or sad, or really that frustrated. I am just tired.

Gossip

>>I am so sick of gossip. Don't get my wrong, I am as nosey and interested and chatty as the next person. I want to know whats going on, with who, and when, and all that. But, it seems in every single work environment there is going to be gossip and cattiness. I pride myself in being a good friend. I balance the lines where I seem to get along with pretty much everyone. There have been MORE than a few times where I find two people complaining about the other person to me. I find myself in the middle. I find myself hearing about the issue from both sides. I listen, give my two cents and move on. Occasionally I try to drop hints in order to resolve conflicts. But the majority I just want to be there for my friends, and listen. "grouch-aid" (Wow, maybe that name needs to change) is dating the RSP teacher. Did I say that? Well apparently RSP teacher is telling people that I am not trustworthy. That nobody should trust me. That anything that I am told goes directly to our director of special ed. This is annoying and upsetting. He should take the name grouch-teach. Because he is. He's bossy, mean, and a bully. And it drives me crazy. I should just move on. Ignore. Be the bigger person but this hurts my feelings. I want people to think I am trustworthy. I dont' want to be stuck in this middle of this gossipy trash. I hate it. And I hate that it gets to me. The best thing would be to ignore right? But, why does that seem so impossible..

Urggg.

Update

>>I changed my background to halloween-y type. I thought it was fun, and I needed a change. I needed something new. I am still learning blogspot, and how to tweak things so I like them, but I'll probably never get it perfect. "grouch-aid" (as she is so nicely called) had her last day friday, and the new I.A. came and learned her way around. She was AMAZING so far. She is new, so she's fresh and not jaded. She wants to do things correctly. She took the science book home to prepare for next week. She offered to take papers home to grade because she rarely sleeps (She said insomnia) After school she asked me what she was supposed to do? I told her, "well, now you can go home?" She was so surprised! She asked if there was anything else she could do. THIS WAS AMAZING. she came out in the hot sun, and played basketball with us. She took the students to the bus. Helped the kids get their lunches. Stuff I did, but really shouldnt have done. LIFE IS GOING TO BE AMAZING if this continues. It is nice to have someone who WANTS to be there. Someone I dont have to tiptoe around. Someone I don't have to WORK to show them how amazing my kiddos are. That is what I deserve. I don't deserve to have to make someone's life easier just because they don't want to work in my classroom. That's how it was. I GAVE into too many demands from her, when I never did that before for ANYONE. I didn't do some lessons/work that I BELIEVED IN, because she complained how much she hated that type of stuff. I regret this. I should never let anyone dictate how I teach. I did so much for my students last year, that I regret not doing what I could have for this last month. Things will be different now.
>>I have this new curriculum called SIPPS. My goal this weekend was to organized and learn the first few lessons so I can start to teach it this week. Of course it is now Sunday, and I put it off, but I still have today, and I will prepare and learn it. This program may be a LITTLE too advanced for some of my kiddos, but we'll get them there. It really focus' on phonic sounds, which pairs with sight words, gibberish words, weekly spelling lists (Even though I already do this). Hopefully I can supplement additional stories that match with the sound for the lesson, and I can extend one lesson for a whole week. I am excited. I am excited to start fresh, and prove what I can do.

Always crazy

>>I could begin each one of my posts with "this week was crazyyyy". I am trying to just admit to myself that my job is crazy. Being a teacher is crazy, but teaching special education is crazyyyy. Everyday is different. Every student is different. This week we had a different schedule EVERY SINGLE DAY of the week. Monday was regular. Tuesday was intervention day. Wednesday intervention day. Thursday assembly (periods went: assembly, 2, 4, 5, 3, 6, 7). Friday was a minimum day (periods went: 1, 2, 3, 6, 4, 5, 7) My students have difficulties learning when they don't know what is coming next, or where they are supposed to go next. To top it all off, my 6 hour aide was absent wednesday - friday. We survived. Kids were nuts. Adults were nuts. So what did I do? One night I cried (this first time this year!) and next day I just laughed. I embraced it. I HAVE to.

>>Apparently Philip thinks our new I.A. looks like a judge of America's Got Talent. Phillip LOVES that show. He could talk about that ALL DAY LONG. He knows the acts, what they do, what their names are etc. He thinks that the new I.A. looks like Pierce, so while playing UNO we finally figured how why he had been calling him Pierce since he got here. I asked Philip about the winner, and he told me the name (I don't remember) and then I asked "well what act did he do?"
Phillip: He danced. He danced on a pole! He is going to vegas. He won. and Dances on a pole.
Me: He dances with a pole?
Phillip: I want to dance on a pole. I want to go to vegas and dane on pole.
Me: No, Phillip thats dangerous.
Philip: No. Miss __. I can do it! It not dangerous. I dance on pole.
Me: Phillip. Okay, but thats for adults. So you can't do that.
Phililp: No. I do it. I dance on pole.
John: Philip, thats what girls do! They dance with poles.
Phillip: I can do it! I'll be good at it!

We attempted to end the conversation there.. HA!.

>>Also, Sam gave a girl his phone number. He came in yesterday morning and wanted to tell me something important, but I had to promise I would not tell any of the other kids. He pulled me outside and explained, how the girl he liked last year, helped him figure out his cell phone number and write it down on a piece of paper for her. He was SO excited. I'm glad he shared it :)

Better

>>Many things happened between now and yesterday that completely made me feel better.
1. numerous teachers at my school are feeling the exact same way. Overwhelmed and very "april-ish" (that will make sense to many teachers I am sure)
2. I talked with my loving mama. Who states and her and my aunt (who are both teachers) laughed at my blog from last night because they are feeling so similar.
3. Finally, I came home to a clean reorganized house. My boyfriend did this. AMAZING.

all three of these things make me a happy better feeling teacher.
THANK YOU ALL : )

exhaustion

>>Exhaustion is setting in. I am taking on too much. Everyone says that your first year of teaching is when you can barely survive, and you are over whelmed, figuring out life, etc, etc. Right now, I am taking on too much.
I have 9 students.
I also have 1 RSP student for math, and 3 of the other SDC teachers students for math different periods (which means I have to grade them even though their teachers are suppling work),
I work 3 days a week after school for 2 hours with my home -hospital student,
I am on the Positive Behavior Supports committee, and through that my job as working with wrap around requires me to attend meetings with students are need help outside of school between family, life, friends, etc.,
I am on another committee called sunshine that helps provide staff members with treats during birthdays, marriages, staff meetings, etc.
we have department meetings at least twice a month with out Special education department.
I have 5 triennial IEP's and 1 initial which means that student needs to be completely reassessed and reports need to be written.
And finally I have to complete BTSA (two versions) which is required for all new teachers in order to clear your credential. This requires MORE meetings, volunteer hours, article reading, etc, etc, etc.

>>THIS IS TOO MUCH. Lot's of this stuff is required so I can't get out of it. I am falling behind on essential things. Losing items. Forgetting papers. THIS IS NOT ME. Then I get home by 5:15 - 5:30 eat dinner and then I want to sleep. I need to breath, and handle it, but it's daunting. I need to make lists, check things off, one by one, but right now the amount is over whelming. Then, I forget to do something and it puts me right back down where I started. So, I will go and finish grades (because progress reports are due friday). I will attempt to begin testing a student tomorrow. I will send home assessment plans, and finish Monday IEP's. I will take my students to the assembly tomorrow, deal with a substitute for one of my I.A.'s attempt to allow other people to help me accomplish what I know will get done.

>>In other news, I almost cried today at school, for some stupid reason. Phillip was drinking his gatorade outside the classroom (I worry about messes and spills). When I went to check outside, he was just gone. I searched THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. Ran around the hallways, had students check the bathrooms, checked the office, spare rooms, bushes. Then, he was just there. I was so so so so frustrated. I could not express to him how much he scared me and he did not even understand. I was so frustrated (I know, i said that already) and he just acted like it was nothing. I know he did not understand.

>> Breathe.. Breathe.. Make list.. check things off... get through it. .. adapt.. breathe..

>>Just quotes today:

Frank: Do we really get free time today?
Me: Yes, if you finished all your work and were well behaved, you get free time.
Frank: you should get ping pong in here!
Me: Ping pong?
Sam: No! I pool table!
Me: Where would I put that? Just get rid of all the desks and put in a pool table?
Sam: Sure!
Phillip: How about a hot tub!
Eddie: Yeah, I have 20 dollars, i'll get you to help out!
Me: 20 dollars? that's a small fraction of how much it's going to cost.

--

HA! I wish we could set up all that stuff in my classroom!

quotes:

Phillip: Don't worry. I am not a zombie.

--

(reading a story where a dog gets a bath)
Phillip: Shag is in the hot tub, relaxing

--

Eddie: Hey, when we have our ice cream float party, can you bring pop rocks to put on top?
Me: What?
Nick: Do you know how to make a bomb?
Me: what what!?

>>I am starting to get back into the swing of blogging every once in a while, and also to write down the funny things my students say so that I can post them here for everyone to laugh at. Yesterday I took my students to "special person's day" at our county fair. It was WAY TOO HOT. but I am proud to say we survived. Having only half as many kiddos as last year, makes things amazing. We all had a great time, and we came back to class and got to play some card games. It was really nice.

Quotes:
(While drawing pictures of animal habitats for science)
Phillip: I drew a zebra. and a alligator. alligator eats the zebra. I'll call the news about it!

--
Eddie: I met someone who knows our president! you know the one who lives in sacramento?
Me: You mean the governor?
Eddie: yea the one that says "I'll be there next time or whatever?"
Me: You mean "I'll be back?"

--
Sam: You should get a tattoo! You know it should say "I'm a teacher!" You know and it could have that Uncle sam pointing too!

--

Look!

>>Two posts in a row, I AM SO IMPRESSED. Since the room and students are getting into the swing of things, I am feeling calmer and happier. I am still exhausted when I come home (especially because I pretty much work 2 jobs), but having only 9 students is AMAZING. I cannot say that enough. I am trying to relax with things in my classroom like sending my students into general education classes, and always working VERY VERY VERY hard on our work. I still think pushing into general education classes is important. VERY important. Without this, my students would not get exposure to important things like history, science, P.E, electives and such. BUT, (and a very important but) every student is different. Some students get A LOT from being social in other classes. They are able to sit through a lecture, follow along while other students are reading, even read out loud in class. Other students are not at this level. They cannot read, they cannot follow along. THey have difficulties taking notes. So, in these cases it is better to pull these students out, and teach them science they CAN understand. I had to learn that each grade level/student is on a case by case basis and sometimes these things work out better than others.

>>The other aspect is sitting through each period and getting a lot of work done. During language arts, math and reading (these are the periods I have my students) I really focused on them learning how to sit and work. Following teacher directions, and being able to sit and work until the period was over. Reading, math worksheets, flash cards, sight words. There was never a free moment and I SAW PROGRESS. But, as my students become lower leveled, there needs to be more of a focus on social skills, functional skills, and just how to be a productive member of a classroom. These students need to learn how to not interrupt during a conversation. How to keep your hands to yourself. How to raise your hand, sit quietly, and get along with others. How to cook, read a recipe, take the bus, file, push in your chair, say hello, how to answer how are you. What is appropriate to share with friends, adults, strangers. Every year my class changes depending on my students, and this year its VERY different. My focus has to change. and that is difficult. I felt like after getting my first full year finished I would be prepared, but I have to be adaptable. I have to realize that next year I may have students who need to be pushed with their academics, who can handle being pushed into regular education classes, but right now my class is not like that. It's a good realization, but its difficult just the same.

>>The first wednesday of every month our library has a book sale that I take my students to, which we did today. While looking at the movies one of my students looks at a movie and goes:
Student: YOU DONT WANT TO WATCH THAT! it's all about old people kissing!

>>Everyday is better. I am down to only 9 kids which is almost easy. There are periods of the day when I have 3 kids, and it's me and a aide in the class. EASY. We are able to really focus, but the difficult part is that we cant really do rotating groups as easily as we could in the past. This makes for cranky students, but still allows us time to figure out what we want to work on, and how we want to run things. I can't believe that I started last year with 19 students, and now I am at only 9. It's peaceful. I feel like things are faling into place, but I still have more ideas that I want to put into affect and I am not quiet sure how yet. It's difficult with my IA basically being "against me" to try out new things and such. But, this is a learning experience. It's a learning experience to work with someone who is unhappy in their placement, and who I don't really consider my "friend" It's good for me.

>>My home hospital student has been going AMAZING. WE have so much fun, and it's really working out great. (let's hope the money is worth it :))

>>Sam has been having a rough time and he is pulling at my heart strings. He hasn't been eating dinner. I am not really sure what is going on at home because he does not really explain it clearly. Last week he went at least 3 days without dinner and on friday we loaded him up with cup of noodles, pudding, crackers, everything we had around the classroom. Today, he said he STILL wasn't eating. It is very very hard, because I KNOW his family loves him. I know he doesn't want to be taken away from them, but when is this a case to call CPS. It's so hard. I'm stuck.

>>sorry there has been nothing fun/funny going on lately. We are still getting into the swing of things.

>>Things drastically calmed down by the end of the week, but I really did not think I would make it. The drama I had to deal with was just too much. Too many people are unhappy, but I really can't fix other peoples problems. I can only to as much as I can to help myself and my students be happy. That is enough people to worry about right? I have to pick my battles, and I know this sounds awful but I need to take care of myself. Sometimes that is what needs to be done.

>> I am ready to get the rest of this year going, and have a good strong year.

Over it

>>My students are perfect angels. I love it. They are so much fun, and they work hard, they are polite and funny. If I could teach each one of them by myself, I would. I am sick of adding other people into the mix. It complicates things. I guess this is sort of my problem anyway, because I just want to do everything myself. (I am bad at sharing the responsibility) But, everyone else complicates things. I can handle myself. My students. My angels. But, the adults. I cannot. I hate conflict. I want everyone to like me. I would rather just give in to peoples outrageous demands then deal with them complaining everyday. THis is flaws, but sometimes it's easier for me. Me being upset and stressed and hating my job doesnt help these kids. But, giving someone what they want for a little bit of peace does..

I dont know what else.

Wow

>>I find this is the title for a lot of my blogs. I survived the first week, barely. The kids are amazing! My two new students are really well behaved and fun. My students parents have not been calling every 5 seconds, I have barely even heard from them (yay!) The main issue I have experiences is my new I.A.'s and new teachers. Our school got 3 new full time teachers this year, and 2 of them have some of my students (with I.A. support) in their classes. So, they were confused. They didnt know how to handle them. They didnt know how to adapt and on top of having new I.A's who don't know my students I was running all around trying to get everyone on the same page. The two teachers are there, and ready and understanding (now..) This issue is, I have a I.A. who came from a resource class. Resource or RSP students are WAY different from mine. They mostly have just lower reading skills, and lower math skills but are able to go to regular science, SS, P.E. and electives usually without an Aide. My students are not like that. They are capable of sitting in these regular classes, but they need constant modifications. They need someone there adapting each assignment they are given, and then helping them complete what they are given. The aide from RSP, is trying to help the entire class (like she is used to) and then my students are becoming frustrated because they need her. They need her there to help step by step. and she's not.
>>To top it off, this I.A. (who has been is RSP for YEARS) is dating the teacher in that class. (that is why she got moved - yes I know drama). So, she goes back to him - complains. Then he complains to his I.A. (who used to be mine last year) and then she comes to me and tells me all about this. At this point I am ready to just pull her completely and move her around. Or go into this classes with her, and see exactly what she is doing. I am frustrated because she needs to realize my students are WAY different. It's time to stop complaining and get with it. I am available for help. I have given her ideas. I don't know what else to do. But, it's getting frustrating.

>>I am just happy that my students are good. So, that;s the first week!

Tomorrow...

>>Tomorrow starts school. The last two days have been teacher workdays/meetings. I have recieved 2 new students during this time, 1 of which I had no idea what to do with. (I figured it out though, even though it messed up my schedules) I have met both my new I.A.'s and they will do wonderful even if they are scared. I got, 90% of what I wanted done. I threw away 4 boxes of trash (not to mention the 6 trash cans) and sent to our district office 5 boxes of old curriculum, but I still have way too much. I learned that Jamie will not be returning this year for school, so I am guessing that he is doing well with his aunt and uncle. Is it wrong that I miss my kids? I miss the ones I didnt know were leaving and that just never showed up. I want a good-bye. I want to know their excuse is that they are moving to high school not that they moved and were never heard from again.
>>I will survive. More info tomorrow.

Back to school

>>While driving home from our long vacation this past week, the realization that school was starting totally sunk in. My aides got their assignments and NONE of my three aides will be returning. Not that it was their decision, but they all got moved. Two of them to different schools, and one to a different class on campus. I'm a little stressed because, these 3 knew my students, they knew curriculum, the school, etc. etc. etc. Now, I have two new instructional assistants (one full day, one half). So, throughout the drive home, i am getting calls, texts, i am calling and texting to try and sort things out and figure out who got moved and who I will be sharing the year with.

>>Then, the day after we got home I started the Home hospital case. I am glad I am doing it, but it is a lot. I need the money, and the experience, but again 5 extra hours a week its going to make a dent. I started this week, and completed 4 hours. It was interesting and fun, and I do look forward to doing it.

>>Finally, I am trying to sort out money, and what else needs to be completed before my credential clears. This is a pain. I am waiting on scores from things i submitted a few weeks ago, and passing those depends on everything else. STRESS IS HERE.. Not to mention, i need to go to my classroom. GAH. This blog post is showing my stress. I apologize :)

MIA

>>I know I have been MIA. And i know I didn't even write about the last day of school. Of course it's hard to write about teaching when you're not teaching, but it also is hard for me to come here and THINK about teaching. Reminders about work either make me stress out, or get sad. I miss my students. I worry about them over the summer because I don't get to see them every week to make sure they are eating, or being taken care of. I am not sure they are brushing their teeth, or showering. I can't see that their clothes are clean, and that someone is smiling at them and giving them positive reinforcement everyday. When I see them, I check on these things. I know it's more than a teacher should do, and I know some of those things sound like a child should never have to go through them. But, in my first year of teaching I saw those things. I liked being able to check on them. Help them. Be there for them. So, being here makes me sad. It makes me worry. It also makes me stress about all the things "I said" I would do get ready for next year that I haven't. I have to make goal binders. I have to go through my countless cupboards of crud that's been in my classroom since before I got there and decide what I want and want I will never use. I am going on vacation next week and after that I WILL GET THINGS DONE.

>>The last day of school went very well. I brought my dogs in which the kids LOVED. WE all spent the day together (I didnt make them go to their other classes) we played games, watched movies, signed yearbooks. I forced kids to give me hugs when they left. Graduation was amazing. I was so proud of my kiddos. I was so proud of my student who won the award. His parents were so happy. Crying and thanking me for an amazing year. Wishing I had been there al 3 years with him. I wish too. I wish too.

Half a day left...

And I think I might lose it.

>>Today was beyond fun. It was picnic day! all the grades have seperate picnics, and I went with my 4 6th graders to the picnic. We stayed at school where there is a huge water games/squirt gun fight. Plus they have water slides, and a BBQ. We had a BLAST! It's finally a day where I can get away with acting like a huge kid. Not only did all my kids Jamie, Phillip, Grace and John spray me with water every chance they got, but, they were well behaved, interacted with other kids, followed the rules, and really were involved with what was going on. Jamie drenched me every chance he got. Dumped buckets on my head. We continually tried to steal squirt guns from each other, which resulted in us both falling into the mud. There was about 3 inches of water covering the entire field so basically it was like walking through 3 inches of mud over the entire field. (see attached picture) When our principal came down, everyone attacked and he decided to use me as a human shield! I was getting into the war with other kids and I really felt like part of the school/group. It's been nice to feel like a member of the staff, and I love seeing my kids be part of the 6th grade class. Finally at around 1:30. I took my kids back up and water was again dumped over my head by Jamie and then recieved numerous hugs and wet attaches from my kiddos. It was a blast. I love getting a chance to act like a kid, be silly wiht my students and not feel guilty about having some fun. I really really loved it. It was a great way to end the year iwth my 6th graders.

>>When my 7th graders got back Sam came right up to me and said:
Sam: (Insert girls name who he has a crush on) was wearing a bathing suit today!
Me: really? did she look pretty?
Sam: uhm.. yea.. and we hung out almost the whole time!
Me: Thats awesome! I'm glad you had a fun!
Sam: Uhm.. Why do I tell you this stuff?

--
I love that he likes to tell me about what's going on. Its really hard for him to like her so much. and he doesnt really know what to do.

Only a half day left. I am so so so sad. :(

My dirty feet after the picnic:

3

>>Three days left. Tomorrow is our last full day really, Wednesday are picnics, and thursday is a half day with graduation at night. Jamie's uncle who has custody came into class this morning to full me in with the plan, but also to express how amazing I am. He said how he def. could not have survived this year without me, and I have been amazing. He asked me if this was a new career for me, and I said yes it's my first year, and he made a comment about how easy it must be for me to get emotionally attached. I care a lot about Jamie, and we have been through way to much this year, but I felt like it was cheapened when he made that comment. (does that make sense?) LIke, oh, if I had been a teacher long, maybe I would have gone to court with him while he was getting taken away from his mom? Or maybe I wouldnt have taken him out so many times when he was at the children's shelter over christmas vacation? I'm not sure what he meant. But, it meant a lot for him to acknowledge how much we've done and helped with jamie this year. He said that Jamie may not be coming back this year, which is really really sad for me, but prob for the best. I do not know what to think.

Quotes:

Sam: (while looking through the yearbook) I don't really like that girl. I just wanna fix her face.
--

Carl: I swear he has a swat sign on his wall (he meant swastika)
--

Aide: Why would you cheat at this game! You cant grab whatever card you want! You have to take the top...
Carl: (while he is taking out his phone) Hold on.. let me record this.

4

>>4 days left. Grades are in (completely). Every single IEP signed and submitted. This weekend will be spent updating IEP goals, and burning end of the year DVDs for my kiddos. My students are so wild, and crazy, and inappropriate. How to make them understand that sometimes I dont want to hear about their girl problems, or private thoughts? I try to express to them that my classroom is safe place. They can talk with me about stuff that they possibly cant talk with their parents about. I really do not mind giving them social help, because a lot of them don't have the social graces that other kids do. Who else is going to be there to explain to them how to talk with girls? and not act awkward? That is part of the job of being a special education teacher right? Not just teaching them academics, but teaching them how be successful in the real world?

>>I was recently asked to take on a home-hospital case. Did I mention this? Home-hospital students are students that are too medically fragile to attend school, so they receive school in their home. I have not met the student yet, but she is a 5 year old baby girl. I am excited to learn, and scared because I have never done this before and I hope I can handle it.

Quotes:
(one of my students was drawing a pirate ship)
Zed: You get to be on my crew! You do too (aide)!
Aide: I dont want a job! I just wanna eat!
Me: Maybe she could be the taste tester?
Paul: Thats way too dangerous!
--

(discussing snot and picking your nose)
Jamie: I never pick my nose, not since I was a kid and my snot went down my throat into my stomach and then down there (points at crotch area) and then sprayed out! it was all gooey!

Quote from tuesday:

Jamie: I know a guy that lost a finger foot!
Me: You mean a toe?

5

>>5 days left.
This post will be quick, because I am being lazy and reading even though I have grades to do. I have finished with all my IEP's for the year. I have completed my transition to high school meetings, (almost) my grades, and turning in my students permission slips for end of the year picnics. I have received my first evaluation, and also yelled at an aide today. Its been a wonderful wonderful year. I'm afraid for it to end.

>>My students are getting this new found stigma about being in special ed. They do not want to be seen with me, around me, or for other students to know I am their teacher. This does not bug me, because I KNOW when they are in my classroom it is a whole different world. They feel safe, respected, smart, and loved.

>>I found out today that Jamie, is probably moving with his aunt/uncle in the bay area. This makes me sad. The amount of work I have put into that kid, let alone spending a whole year trying to make him understand how much we love and care about him. How much he has dealt with this year. and just how much I like having him around. I am sad. I am sad, and I will miss him. I want him to stay, but I keep thinking that this move will be better for him. I just... I am being selfish because I wanted to be there for him, and I wanted to see how great he became.

8 days

>>Things have been very calm around the classroom. We are winding down. The kids are a little antsy, but things have gone well. I have two more meetings and then I am done! We only have 8 days left, and really only 4 are working days. I'm excited but sad that school is coming to an end.

Quotes:

(while talking about Justin Beiber)
Sam: I sort of don't hate his music, I just hate his face.
--

Aide: Are you a cone head.. from the planet,.... uhm.. what planet were they from?
Frank: Eqypt?
--

Sam: I accidently smokes a cigarette when this asian guy on his bike said to me "come on smoke this!"
--

(when referring to above)
Aide: How did it make you feel?
Sam: Popular.
--

Sam: Then another time, this other asian guy rode up and said here pee in this and showed me a cup and I just ran away.
--

Marcus: (Hands Sam a cup) Here I already peed in this cup. See it's black! (He's african american)

Girls/ 11 days

>> There are only 11 days left of school. Because there are only 11 days left of school, my students are having the most impossible time focusing. Even though they are still required (mostly by me) to complete work. They tend to find every excuse to NOT do work, and to chatterbox it up with everyone else. The topic of discussion lately has been girls. Let me first begin this discussion with special education students cannot handle girls. Well, actually middle school boys cannot handle girls. I know it is difficult for many of my students because they are AWARE that they are in special education, and they hate it! I do not take offense to it because nobody wants to be different, let alone in middle school when things are so hard. Students hate to be seen walking into my classroom, walking with me, being pulled out, etc. But, anytime a middle school girl comes into our classroom my studnents cannot function. they get giddy, or quiet, or weird. They either talk too little, or not enough, or refuse to do anything. I am perfectly honest with my students about how, it is fine having Grace as the only girl in our class because if we had anymore these boys wouldnt get anything done. So today while one on one reading with students, two girls came in to get cards signed for another teacher. Jaime completely shut down and asked if we could wait to read until they left. Then he said,

Jamie: Can I go flirt with them? Can I? Can I go flirt with them?
Me: What? What are you talking about?
Jamie: Come on, can I go flirt with them?
Me: Okay, sure, lets see your best moves!
Jamie: wait.. uhm.. nevermind.

>>Now, because spring is in the air, the topic of discussion amongst everyone is Sam. Sam likes some girl, and on friday (when Sam was absent) Marcus told the girl Sam liked her. (Don't ask me why I am privileged to all this info) Sam was at first very mad at Marcus, but then, he found out the girl likes him back. He is so stressed out because he just does not know what to do.

Sam: She likes me too. But I want to tell her we should be friends first. Because I am definitly not ready for a relationship. Do you think she'd be okay with that? I have a feeling shes going to tell me "wait! no! lets be boyfriend and girlfriend" What do I do then?

>>It's a whole mess and it causes everyone to not concentrate. Then, to top it all off Phillip brings in a rose for Grace today. Then asks her to marry him. Sam proceeds to say "No! Not like that! do it like this!" and shows him how to get down on one knee and ask her to marry him. Phillip does this. Grace takes the flower but says no.


WOW spring.

12 days

>> I am attempted to remember the last time I blogged was. We have 12 days of school left. I continue to tell my students that if we can make it through the next 8 days we will be in fun mode. (They are very excited) I have scheduled all my IEP's to make it through the end of the year (Two IEPS left, and one transition meeting) I have two teacher parties, one SPED meeting, a picnic day, and then a half day and I will have made it through my first year of teaching.

>>Sam was absent on friday. He proceeded to tell us numerous times throughout the day today, that when the school called to see why he was sick, he was the one who picked up the phone, said he was his dad, and said Sam was out sick. He was so proud of himself, but he had a major meltdown when I told him I was going to tell the principal on him. (I didnt.)

>>I know.. boring post. Thats pretty much how today is. Boring.

13

>>I called my kids a bunch of creeps today. Then, I caught a bunch of them discussing shaving their underparts. Disturbing. I swear I am a good teacher. :)

>>I also know I am destined to be a teacher because of what happened after school today. I found out I have 75 dollars to spend from PTC. So I am trying to spend it before the end of the year. I went to Staples and it was the most amazing thing. I bought binders, paperclips, post-its, and pens. It was AMAZING! i am such a teacher. I love new school supplies :)

Quotes:

Marcus: Why would she save a booger? SHES A LADY!
--
Jamie: And then they wrote on myspace "He had sex with hannah montana! so I had to delete my account"
Marcus: You dont have to say that! Just say he bing-bonged her!

15

>>15 more days of school. I'm not sure if I am beyond excited (mostly to sleep in) or a little bit sad. One of my students brought a knife to school today. Just a small pocket knife, but another student told me about it, and it was scary! we had to search him until we found it. He got to stay at school for the rest of the day. And Its kinda scary to know that prob. nothing will come from it. I'm not really sure how i feel. Almost just numb.

Quotes:

Aide: Who is the president that helped freed the slaves?
Sam: Abe Leepercum!

--
Carl: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing she's already been told twice.
--

Sam: You are too old to smack a girls butt!

16 days.

>>Things have been okay. A little wild and crazy but, we are surviving. I just have quotes to post today, since I'm exhausted and I want to be lazy.
:)

Carl: Yea, I use girls shampoo. That's how come my hair smells like the ocean!

--
Sam: hey. we are men! we can do what we want. You are women you do the work!

--
Sam: The clouds were like made of rainbows! The sky was a rainbow! Is that even possible? Marcus thought we were high!
--
(As I am sitting at my desk with my hands going through my hair)
Carl: Uh Oh. Thats the stressed look. you always do that when youre stressed! are you okay?

Good news/bad news

>>What do you want first? The good news or the bad news? Always start with the bad and end with the good right?

The day began with our standarized testing. The FINAL day. After 3 days of 120-90 min. blocks of testing every morning, We had our final testing day (well, not the 8th graders but the other two!) About mid way through the testing time my principal comes in with one of my 8th graders, matthew. (Matthew was suspended not to long ago for pot) Anyways, While my kids are testing the principal goes On and On about what am I doing sending Matthew down to take the test with all the other 8th graders. He shouldnt be taking that test and What did he score last year, and why didnt we change him to the modified version of the test and he was just goofing around and not taking this seriously and blah blah. I went on to explain to him that I got Matthew in my class in Jan. The middle of Jan actually. His IEP was already held, so i could not change his test scores, and I did not even know him, and I did know even know what his test scores were from last year, so how could I really justify changing them. He ends the conversation with "Matthew will be testing in here for the rest of the time. " and then and he's leaving he says, "I know he just doesnt even understand it anyways" Matthew does not need that. He needs someone to have a little faith in him. He doesn't need someone to sit there and talk down to him when he already has the cards stacked against him. Matthew proceeded to just bubble in random answers and I tried to say, "he shouldnt have talked like that and blah blah" He was just really mad, and hurt. and i explained that I was mad too.

>>Things with Matthew calmed down. But, during P.E. Zed and Steve got into a fight with another student. A fist fight. Statements were written, things were dealt with. And it came down to the fact that Steve pretty much started the fighting, and continued it when another student got involved. Our Vp asked me what if I thought 1 day suspension was okay for fighting, and I agreed. But, I said she should prob talk with his mom because I am not sure if she would think that was okay. So we decided that either suspension or 3 days of after school dentention with me was mom's choice. urgh.

>>Finally, Principal comes in during lunch and found out that Matthew was found with visine in his pocket, which I guess is like "drug" related. So, he was going to get suspended. He ran from the principal, so they gave him 5 days plus a meeting to determine expulsion. It really makes me sad, but we will see what happens. I have never had to go through one of these before, so It will def be a learning experience. I cant save every kid.

>>I had some good news about something that happened today, but I forget.. Oh wait! yes. Phillip is doing wonderfully during lunch again. We have been our with him for two weeks, and his has not had any hitting/fighting/throwing things issues all week. Excellent!!!

FINALLY: I leave you with the funny quotes of the day!

((Note: I have decided to start putting the quotes in my phone so I can actually remember them. Hopefully I will have new ones everyday now))

Marcus: Yeah. I shave my armpits. It's annoying when you're trying to touch yourself and there is hair there.
--

Me: What kind of tacos did you have last night for cinco de mayo?
Jamie: Bushy.
--

Phillip: I Love you Sam.
Other kids: See! He said it! He loves you!
Sam: I like him. I like him like a friend. Not like a lover!

Funny Quotes

>>
Marcus: Did you know, that when you call someone gay, then you are actually really gay yourself?
Steve: uhm.. what?!

--

Carl: Is your "friend" coming today?!
You know.. your "Friend" that guy "friend" (while he was doing quotes in the air)
You know the "friend" that Jaime thinks isn't good enough for you?!

--
(this was from yesterday but it is what the above quote is regarding)
Jamie: I dont think your boyfriend is good enough for you! I dont think he treats you right!
Me: What? What are you talking about?
Jamie: he doesn't treat you like a lady, and you deserve to be treated like a lady!
Me: Who says he doesn't?!
Jamie: I just know. I know he doesn't.

---
(to one of my aides, she told me about it later)
Jamie: That girl who was all up in your face. you know Carl, that girl is just a rubber ducky.. you should go get her.
Aide: What? what is that?
Jamie: you know, a rubber ducky. When a girl leans over, and her boobs are just spilling out of her shirt, and you have like wade through them because they are all up in your face.
Aide: okay! enough of that!

--

Yes.. welcome to middle school.

Love

>>I love my students. I try not to admit that to them. I already have the issues with being a young teacher in a room full of 12-15 year olds. I try not to express that attitude toward them because I already get enough uncomfortable comments from teachers and parents and kids etc. But, I love them. I love each and everyone of them. Some of them I feel more for, because I have had to be there for them through so much crap. I have taught them important lessons, and I just.. I love them. These kids are my life. and I try to express that to them. Sometimes they understand, other times they dont. Today, I was given a gift that I dont think I could ever ever give away. It was given to me by Jamie: My student who was in the children's shelter during christmas. Who's mom is in rehab/jail right now. We made mothers day cards in class today and he refused to make his mom one, so he made me a card. Inside he wrote (in his horrible spelling ways) . "I love you mom". then inside a heart he wrote "I love you like a mom" and below he wrote "When I am sad. When I cry. You make me happy" This student makes more nutty comments about being in love with than I can count. but, this touched me in a way I could not explain. I love jaime. and I want to be there to help him. Almost everday he tells me "God doesnt love me" "I want to just die and kill myself" I try to express how I refuse to let this happen. That, I will be there for him and take care of him forever. I dont know if he just doesnt believe me, or just hasnt had someone in his life for that long to actually believe that it is possible. but I swear. I will be there. I just.. I cannot express what I thought when i received that.

>> Sam, also explained to me today that "I never want to have kids"
Me: WHy? Why never?
Sam: Well, because I dont want them to have my DNA.
Me: What?! Why? you are so thoughtful and caring, kids would be lucky to have you.
sam: no! I dont want them to have my DNA. Plus, no girls like me. so I'll never get married.


It almost makes me sad. I wish I could give these kiddos the hope they need. Somehow, it's never enough.

headache

>>Headache headache headache. All day today. I tried to remember that most headaches are caused from dehydration and drank my nalgene bottle empty about 4 times today, it still didnt help. We began "standardized" testing today. Normally this is a cause for stress. It is difficult to deal with kids who have to spend 100 minutes every morning taking a hard test. But, I teach special education. So, almost every single one of my students takes a different type of test, or a different level, or in a different grade. Just getting prepared for this week was nuts. not to mention the resource teachers at my school needed help so I ended up taking on some of their students. To top it all off, these tests are difficult for my students. It is hard enough for them to sit still while in their 15 minute groups before we rotate, but to sit down at a desk, for 100 mins, taking a very difficult, dry test, and then have to continue to sit quietly while other students finish working. Almost impossible. THEN! to top it all off they have each of their 7 periods after the 100 min block which they have to do work in. I went VERY easy on my students and let them off with some fun games for most of their classwork today. I couldnt bare to make them sit quietly, and work on difficult math for another 35 mins. I couldnt bare it myself.

>>in any case, my students did well. Only 5 more days of this to go.
BAH!

training/teachers who make a difference

>>On friday i had to go to a training about resiliency in children. It was actually really really interesting information, but the speaker was soo soo soooo dry. I almost didn't make it through. One good thing I saw which really made me laugh was this website:
Shutupabout.com

Its a group of moms who talk about "shut up about your perfect kid". They all have children with special needs and they are PROUD OF THEM! what a concept! :)

Here is a link to a pretty funny video they did :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_I3PMB30b0&feature=player_embedded

>>Today, I was honor at my school with the award of "teachers who make a difference" it is for the entire county, and depending on your amount of students, you get to choose one or two teachers from your school who deserve this award. I felt honored to be the only teacher chosen from my school and got to go to a dinner with my principals and superintendent. During school today, my superintendent brought me a corsage. Then, tonight, we had aps, drinks, took pictures with my principals and I, then was given a nice picture frame and a a certificate. I feel so incredibly honored to be receiving this award. IT's amazing to be supported and loved, and all that within my district. My superintendent explained that I was probably the only teacher ever to recieve this award in their first year of teaching. Yay for me!

>> we start standardized testing this week.. That equals hellish week :)

29 days left

>>Yes. 29 days left of school this year. Crazy crazy. I never thought I would survive. Let alone be winning awards. I'm very very proud of myself. I have grown up a lot this past year. Gotten braver, stronger, more confident. It feels good. Along those lines I had a parent in a 5th grade class came to observe my class to see if it would be a good fit for her son next year. She came with our director of special ed (for the district), the director of special ed (for the district her child lives in) and a person from the county. I was impressed with my students, my one aide in the room at the time, and myself with how well it went. Everyone was friendly, but I didnt really have much time to stop and chat. During which though, I heard the director from the other district say to the person from the county, "wow, it is amazing how much this class has changes" (since before I was there) and then when we left she said "You are awesome!" I am proud of us. i didnt even have to do things any differently since I knew they were coming to observe. We did things the same way we would have done whether there were people there or not. It did make my students nervous when they found out who was watching.

>>Ya know how I made that post on Tuesday, about how great it was to be back? and how amazing my students were, and How it was going to be a smooth rest of the year. I take it back. wednesday and thursday were hellish. Not hellish, just tough. I am being tested and I'm getting stumped and its hard for me to admit that. Wednesday, we started a new system where me or one of my aides is outside during lunch to keep an eye on Phillip. He has been hitting students, throwing things, slapping, etc. Tuesday went okay. The aide had to tell Phillip once not to hit students. Yesterday out of nowhere he picked up a rock and threw it at another kid. Right in the head. The aide pulled him aside and took him back to class. We talked with the principal and decided on a detention after school. I talked with mom and warned her. Then he proceeded to come back into class and play with his "private" area for the rest of the class period. Then, I have a student who is compulsively late. Everyday. he shows up 15, 20, 10, 5, minutes late. I have given him detention after detention. I am stumped. I dont know what to do. Today I made him a deal that he can be late as long as it it only 3 mins. If it is more, then he'll keep getting detentions. We will see.

>>Today Phillip did much better. Mom is fighting the detention but we are sticking to our guns. Steve today also stole 80 dollars from his mom. WE found out he HAD the 80 dollars and attempted to get him to let us hold the money until the end of the day. He refused so we called his mom and let her know. It turns out he had stolen the money from her. Mom came to school and called the cops to come and yell at him about it. Steve handled it relatively well. Without anger. Surprising.

>>What else. what else. I fell like a million things have been going on. But, I feel like those are the most major. I will leave you with a quote from the sweetest kid on earth Sam.

Sam: "Marcus, Steve, and Jaime, they always look at girls in inappropriate places! They always do! I dont. I tell them girls don't like that. They are always looking at girls inappropriately. When I look a girls I look at her face!"
Me: Thats good! and do you look at her personality?"
Sam: Yes! Thats very important too!
Me: Thats good Sam. Girls like that.

Back

>>Coming back to school was surprisingly pleasant and nice. A few of my students got haircuts. Some got out of the psych ward. It really was a great smooth day. Almost like they were happy to be back. They moved right back into the swing of things. It made me so happy.

>>I have an aide in my classroom, who is sort of a complainer. She constantly complains about everything, from the kids (not in front of them), to the school, to the class, to her life, everything. I am aware that everyone complains. I, in fact, am a constant complainer, but I attempt to keep it to a minimum. One of the reasons my principals said I received "teachers who make a different" award, was because I am always smiling and never complaining. Anyways, she is always complaining. Eventually, it gets tiresome. She acts like she knows everything, and if you try and tell her something differently she argues. She comes up with information, and when you tell her you heard differently she argues. When you have a difference of opinion, she argues. Now, I do really like her as a person, but after a while, its tiresome. Its hard to find joys when someone around you always focus' on the negative. I have begun to look on the bright side of everything, and being around her is not easy. I know I am her boss. I should be telling her what to do. But, its difficult. She also holds grudges and sometimes its easier to let her do what she wants, then to sit there and argue with her and then deal with it later. She definitely has had the most difficulty accepting that I am the boss. I have heard rumors that she may be moving to another class next year. I am constantly planning how amazing it will be without her around. But, then I think, What if I am getting my hopes up? How do I fix this? Its hard to change people who are set in their ways, but is there something I can do to just hint at her getting an attitude change? I'm stuck.

Back to the grind

>>Tomorrow we go back to school. I have been off for 10 days. It has been an amazing spring break. I feel relaxed. I feel sane again. I needed all this. I am ready to kick the next months butt and make it through this year. Get through my final IEPS and finish this year on top. yay! lets do it :)

spring break

>>I am on a much needed spring break until the 26th of april. It's been a long haul since we had a week off in Feb. No breaks. Nothing. The kids were ready. I was ready. Everyone was ready. Its only Saturday though and I am already kind of missing my kiddos. What am I going to do during summer??

>>The other day we had a meeting with the special education teachers in my district. Even though these meetings are a pain because we usually end up there until 5-5:30. Its nice to see the other teachers who deal with the same stuff as I do. In our district we have a teacher who teaches k-2. A 3-5 teacher. I am 6-8. and then we have a Language intensive class which focus' on students with communication/reading needs. We went over things for next year. I will be down to 9 kiddos. This is pretty nuts. I started out this year with 20 students! Then, I went down to 17. When my school opened the new SDC class I am now down to 13. But, next year. 9? I am not getting any 6th graders. So, for next year I will just lose my 8th graders and not get any new students. It's a little sad, because it's always nice to have new students come in and change up the class, but I am also excited for the fact that the students will all come next year knowing the rules, and schedule, and how things work. It makes my life a million times easier than it was this year. Plus. only 9 students!!!? my class is going to learn so much next year! :)

>>I also recently received at Ipad to use in my classroom. This week will be spent finding good aps for my students to learn with, and I am excited to find out some good resources to use it for.

well...

>>Apparently I got nominated for an award.. It's for "teachers who make a difference". I am actually not sure what it really means, but I believe you are nominated and then you get an award. It isnt really a competition it is just an area to recognize good teachers in our county. I was the only teacher nominated from my school and it is quiet a complement. It makes me proud that my hard work is recognized. But, it also makes me proud to know that I am good at what I do.

Stress

>>A lot of the things I deal with on a daily basis could be thought of as stressful. A lot of the things I have to tell my students over and over could be thought of as stressful. It is very easy for them to become this way. I think I have even blogged about stress. Lately I have taken on a new outlook. A lot of the things I deal with are comical. They are hilarious. It is amazing the issues I deal with. It's easy to get frustrated. It's easy to think that my job is so hard. But, what's even better is just laughing at it. Its so much better to enjoy it. To take a moment and look at these kiddos and just laugh. They are so funny. They say the best things. I love it.

Wow.

>>Wow. That is all I can say. This week has been nutso. I explained all that happened on tuesday. Yesterday I went on the ski trip which proved to be way way way more work than fun. I had three students there. We happened to be the last 4 people on the bus. The last four people in line to get rentals (for my students). after trying to figure out addresses, phone numbers, heights, weights, shoe size, and whether or not to take a lesson. We finally got on the mountain. One of my students was actually smart and stuck with the lesson, the other two didn't. Steve proceeded to go three feet, fall, and then spend 5 mins to get up. And then get upset when we didn't wait for him. Finally, Frank and I decided to go to the top of the mountain. (frank was fairly confident on ski's) We told steve, "we will do one run, and by the time you have finished the bunny slop we will be back and we'll do some more runs together" Steve was not having any of it. He said, "I wanna go! I'll be fine" Anyways, he was not fine. Frank and I would go down a little ways, and then wait for Steve to come the rest of the way down. One time he came down, and the outside of his boot had fallen off, so he was walking down the mountain in just his inside layer. So, I had to put him back together on the slopes. Another ways down, he comes down sliding on his board. So, it ended up with me having to snowboard down carrying his snowboard, while he slid the whole way down on his butt. After this, we stopped for lunch and I was exhausted. They ate, hung around. and then of course we were the last ones to turn in our rentals, and the last ones on the bus. Needless to say, I went to the bed at 8 last night with a bad sunburn.

>>Today, Jamie was at P.E. and another student (who used to be in my class, but moved to the new SDC class) flipped him off. Jamie ran up to me and said, "want to do that to my face?" Where this other kid proceeded to push Jamie, and Jamie took him down. Punched him, put him in a headlock, etc. He got in trouble, but Jamie was the student who was in foster care over winter break. He currently lives with his uncle, and still has a lot of anger toward his mother. The principal pushed it off as anger toward his mom and instigation from the other student and let him off easy.

>>Then, I learn during lunch from a crying parent that Steve was 5150. "5150 is a section of California's Welfare and Institutions Code which deals with involuntary confinement and psychiatric evaluation of any person deemed gravely disabled or a danger to himself, herself or others". Basically it means, that he was so violently out of control that his parents had to call the cops to have him mentally committed and restrained. I am worried for his parents, but also worried for Steve. He can get really out of control, which I have seen, but not physically. it must be scary to wake up all drugged up, restrained in a psych hospital.

>>I am taking this friday off. My first personal day I have taken all year. I am soooo stoked! I feel bad for my IA's who have been there all week taking the grunt of most of this action, but they've had their time, so I feel like I deserve mine :)

Happy friday!! (or my friday that is!)

Welcome to Middle School!

>>Today was one of those days where I worry about how mature kids are getting at such a young age. Within one hour. One little hour, so much happened today. To begin with, I had a parent drop in and start explaining to me that her and her husband are getting divorced. She went on to explain how he is an alcoholic, verbally abusive and very controlling to her. She said they were up fighting all night, and I should be aware, because it may affect how her student is acting over the next few weeks. I felt really badly for her, and she seemed... so upset and flustered and stressed. I really could not do much to ease these feelings, but I did my best to listen to let her know I am available for help if she needs anything.

>>Then, I find out Steve (who fell and hit his head yesterday) fainted/passed out in P.E. today and hit the ground hard. They had to go and pick him up in the golf cart, and his mom came and took him to the emergency room. I talked with her after school and he checked out fine, but It was still scary and makes you worried. This student is going on a field trip tomorrow (The snowboarding one) so it makes me nervous, but the doctor said he is fine.

>>Finally, (I have to tell a little background first) I have a Matthew who came to me in January from a continuation school. What this means, is that he was expelled from his last school (which is very very very hard to do with a special education student) They gave him his triennial (which is where you reassess special education students every 3 years to make sure they still qualify for special education services) and he scored very very very low. They had a hard time serving him at this continuation school because of his academic levels, so after he completed some provisions he was able to come back to middle school. (8th grade exactly) We had a hard time getting him motivated to work, and actually be in class. But, after setting deals with him, giving him goals to reach, we had finally gotten to a point where he was being respectful in my class and completing what was asked of him. He was participating in class, playing games with other students, and he even was teaching another student how to tie their shoes. I was really happy. He had been working hard in his history class. Getting work done, and even participating in P.E. Last week, he ditched an entire day of school. People saw him walking to school, but he was absent and when his parents were called to confirm his absence, there did not know where he was. Now, to today, He was fine the first two periods of school in my class. Completed his spelling packet. corrected his mistakes, completed his math pages, then during 3rd period, he was caught with an ounce of marijuana, and a wad of cash. When the vice principal found these items on him he bolted, left the school and he was not found. I am not sure what will happen to this student, but its hard. It's assumed that he was selling the drugs to other students at school (which is why I am guessing they found out that he had that on him). So, we will prob have to go through the process of expelling him/suspending him for sure. Maybe the cops will be involved. Its very very tough to know that this is something that is happening in middle school not to mention something happening in my very own class. I am hoping that he did not attempt to sell drugs to any students in my class, but I cannot assume that I really even know this student. Its sad, and scary.

SNOW

>>It's really hard to be a new teacher. I am attempting to get out there. Make friends with other teachers. It is hard to do this without getting roped into doing extra things. I like to think that although I have less students than the average middle school teacher, I have to do more work. I have to have yearly IEP meetings with all of my students parents. Write IEPS, have conferences. and Parents of special education students like to be involved (even though I only have two parents that are really involved). In any case, they like to meet and chat and see and yeah yeah. But, so far this year I have been talked into a committee and now a club. Yes. I am doing an after school video club. It will be interesting, but Lee lee will be helping. I am putting off stuff I need to do with this club because I am lazy. haha. yes. Lazy. I admit it.

>>In awesome amazing news My school is doing a high GPA trip to the snow on wednesday. I totally weaseled myself in because well my students need someone there. In any case Wednesday from 730-430 I get to snowboard!!! I feel like I am going to have a blast!! I cant wait!! Finally, on friday I am taking a personal day to go up to tahoe with some friends. I think I have worked hard and I totally deserve it. :)

yay!

>>It is nuts how we are already nearing the end of the school year. We have only have 3 months left. Prob. less considering we get out June 9th. Although it will be an eventful summer, I am def. dreading the end of the school year. This is my first "real" class. The first class where I have been there for every step of the way. The first class where I made the rules. I definitely have learned so so much this year. I feel like it has def been a trial and error year. We have tried things, perfected them and for the most part they have work successfully. My behavior mangement system, which I invented before the year even started, has worked better than anticipated. The kids are still stoked to get tickets, and they always always want to know who won the drawing everyday. Starting in April I am adding to the prize. Our tickets will be saved each day, and if the kiddos can get 1000 tickets in a month they will some type of party (ice cream, pizza, rootbeer floats, etc.) I am really excited for them to have to work together as a class to earn tickets. and really encourage each other to do their best. I also have gotten used to having to work with my collegues, and not just shy away from them. And also, I am getting used to having to tell my instructional assistants what to do. This was one of the hardest parts of my jobs. I have 3 IA's. and each one has children that are older then me. It was definitely hard for them to accept me coming in and running the class. I run it well. And I know they are happy (for the most part) but, sometimes there are still struggles. They are the ones who are in the general edcation classes with my students so for the most part I have to trust that they are having my students work hard and be respectful. Its been a fantastic learning experience and I know it will go even better next year.

>>In other news: The school sent out some emails that contained 6th grade benchmarks. These are tests that students take to ensure they are meeting the standards. In any case. I reviewed the benchmark that was sent to me in my email (my students usually dont have to take these) but, a lot of the problems my students could do!! This made me ecstatic and I want to print it out and have my students complete it. The only issue is that they are most work problems whichs gets difficult with my low readers, but they still could complete the fraction problems and this is what I like to see. These types of things prove to me that I am a good teacher and that I am pushing my students to their full potential. So yay

MIA

>>Much has happened. I wanted to blog through most of it, but our internet has been out for a week. I also did not sleep well for 5 days in a row, which is really not like me. I am the type that can sleep through anything. Lights on, Tv going, cold, hot, I can always sleep. So it's always weird when I can't. It was good to get off the computer, and back to reading some books. It helped get me back on schedule.

>>My students have switched into the new SDC class, (only 4 of them) and we are still having issues with some of them. We are still getting the hang of it. but, it is amazing what 4 students does. Losing 4 of my most needy students has given me some sense of sanity. It's been good for me to let some things go, and let someone else handle stuff.

>>I had a rather large melt down friday when i got home because I am so sick of dealing with so many babies. There are so many things I have to remember daily, and nobody can seem to remember to handle their shit, (excuse me.. this includes adults as well) It's so frustrating. I can only remember so much! It's so frustrating. People need to grow up and act their age. this includes many people. I really really try hard to be hard working and handle everything, but I cant. And its hard to be yelled at about something when I do so much.

Now that the internet is back I will be updating more.

Short update

>>Short update because I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment...

>>Something about this week. what is going on?! I feel like everything is falling apart. I am disorganized and its affecting my students. I have TWO iep meetings today, and one of them lasted from 10-1230. I think that was the issue. Me not being there during the day really messes up everyone. One of my IA's has been sick so that messes up everyone. Kids are about to transition into the new SDC class for behavior and that causes issues. So everything is up in arms at the moment.

>>I am starting to feel really sad and possessive about my 4 students that are transitioning over to the behavior SDC class. I have major control issues. We know that.. I like to do things my way.. you know this. I like to handle issues myself. I like the know they are being taken care of. So, its hard to give up that power to some of my most needy students. My lower level students that are not behavior issues are easy. We work hard. Its easy. My students that are smart academically but are behavior challenges, they are my challenges. They are my issues. I will no longer have these students. It almost seems like my life will be easier. Will be less challenging. I loveeee all my students. But, I know this is good thing but its still hard. I know my behavior challenges will be pushed to their limits in ways that I cannot because I do not have those capabilities in my classroom. I do my best. But I know this will be better. It's still really hard. But, just thinking about it now makes me feel better that these other students can get what they need, and that I can better serve my lower students because I am not constantly dealing with behavior issues.

I had an IEP with some parents today, and it was difficult. This child has been difficult. Eventually it came to the parents saying, "WE love you, but we want to transition our student into the SDC-behavior ASAP - she just doesn't get what she needs from your class" Heck. I agree. I have tried to meet their expectations.. To make them happy. But, I know that i cant. and its not me. Its just the way my class is run. I am proud of how I do things, but for some students it is not the right place. I am not able to services students exactly as they need. I know this. But, its still hard. It still hurts sometimes because I try to please everyone.

okay...

Rough.. but then letting go.

>>I had a meeting during my lunchtime, so when I came back to lunch I was scrambling to get stuff together as well as woof down the rest of my sandwhich. Little did I know when one of my students was called over the intercom would their parent come storming into my room complaining about everything, making disgusted faces, and asking me to explain why her student was still wearing her P.E. shirt. I was first complained to about the fact that I gave the student a pair of my shoes that were brand new and did not fit me. I am so sorry that we bring in clothes for the boys in my class but the girls don't get anything? Then it went into "why is she wearing that shirt?" She ended PE 3rd period. It is now the end of lunchtime. She always changes either after 5th or during 6th. I told the mom, "this is MY lunch period. I do not take her during my lunch period" SoRRYYYYYYYYYYYY. In any case, after she left my IA looked at me and said, "wow i am so sorry you have to deal with that" yes. I am too. It really bugged me. How can one parent make me feel so belittled and lower? I don't deserve that. It really really bothered me. Especially because we have an IEP tomorrow, I kept thinking, "maybe I am not doing things correctly.. How can I cover my butt?" but, then I thought, " I do the best I can. I make their student work hard and get their work done. I am a place for support and comfort. I have helped this student grow. and I give them a place where they can be themselves." What is so wrong with that? I do not need to make excuses for doing a good job.

>>In any case, I was a little down and frustrated. I felt bad. I felt not as confident as I usually am. The end of the trimester was on Friday, so I have been retesting my students using the Fry's sight words and the Slosson Oral Reading inventory. My students have made progress!!!!!! This made me feel amazing. When students are from 12-15 progress is slow going. But, I had a student that could read 19 out of a 100 words. Today, he read 89 words! amazing. each student has shown me that they know at least 10 more words than the last time I tested them (in November). That is amazing. That is why I teach

exhausted

>>It has been a long time since I have come home from work and gotten into bed at 7. This happened a lot last year when I was learning and long term subbing. This happened again yesterday. A student of mine got suspended. I was not involved and it was mostly because I explained to the VP that he needs the kind of consequences that other students get. This student knows better. He is aware that his actions have consequences and he also knows how to use the system to get out of these consequences. We are trying to teach him it's not fair to manipulate people that are here to help you in order to get what you want. It was still exhausting to deal with.

In other good news, yesterday afternoon I took two of my 8th graders and there mom's to view the high school. It was so informative for everyone involved I loved it. I saw one of my kiddos from last year doing metal welding class! which made me beyond ecstatic. The class seems like a good fit for my kiddos. I learned that I am being saved a BUNCH of time with doing IEPS at the end of the year. and the teacher seems really great. Plus, I love being in the loop! I love that now I can answer high school questions for my families next year. I am now informed with how it works and that was my favorite part.

>>Lots of things have been going well. I have been told by numerous people/parents how happy they are with me. That makes me feel good. I work hard. and its nice to be recognized. I had a billion other things to say, but since I havent blogged much this week they have all been forgotten because my brain cannot hold much information. haha.

>>My huge stash of papers is getting smaller and smaller! I am very proud of myself. Things are slowly feeling normal again. I'm getting back into the swing my students are doing well, it's nice.

My school is starting a new type of special day class. Its for more behavior problem students, so some of my students will end up there. The teacher started last week but his classroom as not been ready, so he has been helping out in my class. I always get nervous with new adults in my classroom. I feel like they are there to watch me, and it makes me feel nervous. He's been really great and helpful and all that. Then, i get worried about him taking my job. That sounds so weird. But, last year the teacher was fired without much notice. I actually came into the picture and went to observe the classroom before he was let go. So, it makes me nervous that they would do that to me. Ack!

I guess I'm just freaking. Thats it. :)

Funny Quotes

>>Things are slowly getting better.

Funny quote from today:

IA (instructional assitant): Oh! Phillip?! Did you tell Miss T. what sunday is?
Me: No, he didnt tell me. (even though I knew it was his birthday)
Phillip: ITS the OSCARS!
Me: hahhaa. thats true but whatelse?
Phillip: Winter wipeout?!
Me: How about your birthday?
Phillip: YES!

Hm

>>Life has been hard this last week. Many of you know why. Before this even happened I felt overwhelmed and lost with a lot of what had been going on. I felt frustrated and I never let myself get frustrated. It isn't like me. We went back to school today after having last week off, and two of my instructional assitants were absent and we had two sub's . I found myself getting frustrated. I hate to blame it on the fact that last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life, but its prob part of it. I should give my students a chance. I shouldn't let them be sucked into my grief.

>>Tomorrow is a new day. The days are counting down until the end of school and these students deserve better than I have given them recently. I shouldnt be short tempered and easy to upset. Its easy to get that way, its harder to realize it and try and do better.

>> I was the only teacher who dressed up. I wore my total 80's leggings, and leg warmers and even wore high heels (and I totally almost fell down the stairs in them) Luckily, I have amazing instructional assistants who dressed up with me. I was happy to show my school spirit and have an amazing time. I loved my costume and many of my students told my how pretty I looked (which is funny because i was dressed crazy)

>>We had a minimum day, an assembly, and then I changed my clothes and had two back to back IEP meetings. Wow. Literally my back hurts, and my legs hurt and everything hurts. I am done.

Dress up days

>>I am embarrassed with how upset I let myself get yesterday. I usually do not like that happen, but it was just one thing after another and that was the tip of the iceberg. I apologized to a few ladies at school today and they were all very understanding explain how that happens to all of us, and we are here to help pull each other out of it. It was nice and reassuring.

>>Tomorrow is a dress-up day at school. It is "time warp". so you are supposed to dress up like retro, or futuristic. I am going totally 80's because, well I was born in the 80's and they rock. I am wearing gold high heels (if i decide to actually keep them on), pink stripy leg warmers, black leggings, teal shorts and a bright pink shirt. Plus a headband. The issue with middle school is that people arent very big on dressing up. Well, students are. But, there is something about teachers at the middle school where they dont like the participate. Maybe tomorrow will be different, but i doubt it. I am excited. I am totally into all that dress-up stuff and in hopes of not looking/acting/seeming like a middle schooler myself, I have not fully participated in dress up days so far this year, but I think it's time things have changed. I am allowed to have a good time and dress up and show my school spirit with my students. It gets them involved and excited.

>>I am still nervous though..

Angry

>>I am angry. I am trying to distance myself from the situation. I am trying to think that it is just a student, and a family, and not everyone is perfect. I am breathing deep. Relaxing. I should run or something. I have a student who is an 8th grader that whenever he is pushed, or told something he does not like he just shuts down. He will shut down until whatever is making him upset (usually a person, or a period of the day) is over. For example: he does not want to do something in math. He will first say, "I can't write because my fingers hurt" Or " I cannot do that because I am so tired from not sleeping all night" etc. etc. excuses excuses. Then, you (or any teacher) will tell him "But Chris, you have to do this or you will not get a good grade..not get tickets.. not get fun friday" Then, he just puts his head down. or makes another excuse, or goes and sits in his desk. The new place we put him is in our "peace table"/ time out/ I need a break cubby. He used to run from the room and hide around the school so this is better. Anyways. Today. 7th period a reading group finished Holes last week. I was explaining how I am having the students make a cover for the book holes, but first they have to write the summary of the book and type it up and then they design the book cover. He was missed last week so he did not get to start his. He refused to do this, and then explained how he remembered nothing from the book. I gave him a copy of the book and said that he could read through it to try and remember. Again, he couldnt remember anything, and then his hand hurt and he couldnt write. I explained how this is the end of the book project and if he does not complete it he will get a 0 and then his grade will suffer. He stood up and went to the peace cubby. He sat their quietly through the whole period, and then it was time to get on the bus. He refused to get up. refused to answer anyone. would not speak. I should warn you that his mother had called me this morning to explain how he may be having a bad day but she has zero gas in her car and no money to get any so she cannot come and get him no matter what.

Finally we got him out of the cubby and into the office where his bus had to leave him and he had to sit there. His mother could not come and get him. I hid out in another teachers room because I was upset. THe student knew he couldnt get picked up and that he was too far to walk. I was upset I am upset. So, i needed to relax. Then i find out that they called the cobs to come and pikck up the kid and they would not come and said that this is the schools issue. So the principle said he would drive him home. He still refused to get into the car.

Finally i go back into the office and talk with him and we get him into the principles care but only because I will go with them. So we drove this student home, and now I am home. and still upset and trying to calm down.

GAH!.

swamped

>>I have been way to busy lately. DId I already post about feeling this way? I feel like everything is just a blur. Meetings and meetings and training and parents, and ipods, and psps and porn, and baby bisexuals. These are real things I have to deal with daily. I had ANOTHER day of training Tuesday, and of course there was an issue with a student looking at inappropriate things on the computer in the "lunch time fun room". The women who runs the lunch time room was also at the training with me so we both had subs. So our subs had to deal with it, it escalated, I hate not being there. I have three IEPS next week, a half day, touch of class (which is half a week of school activities and dances and all that). Plus I had a mom who is attempted to meet with me at 4 Pm on a friday before we have a week off vacation. That is NOT fair. I'm trying to be accommodating, but I need to have limits.

>> Funny conversation from today:
Phillip: Something is wrong with your eyes Miss T. You need to fix them.
(I was wearing green eyeshadow)
Me: It's eye shadow, you dont like it?
Phillip: No. it's weird, fix it.

Hm

>>I almost think I am overwhelmed. I have just about a billion things to do, and there is not enough time in the day. It is easy to get carried away and find myself not even teaching because of all the other things I need to do. It is easy for me to just get caught up in all my paperwork and things I need to do. I have high school in take paperwork for my 4 8th graders to do (I am already not looking forward to the paperwork I have to do next year for my 10 7th graders). My lower reading group just finished a book so I had to copy the whole entire book for them, then my middle group for math needs multiplication worksheets, and about 5 of my students need homework, and my desk is covered in crap and i have ANOTHER day of training tomorrow so I have a substitute that I dont know coming tomorrow so that adds more stress. Plus I have 4 IEPs due (well.. they were due in Jan and now it is Feb. so they need to get done)

>>Everything i listed above is do-able. I can complete it all. I can figure out IEPs, easily do high school in take paperwork, meet with papers, and make copies. These are things that I can complete, but they are time consuming. Today I was at school until 430 (we get out of school at 2:30) Every other teacher was gone expect for our two vice principles. And all i got done was a few sets of copies and my sub plan. I did not get a chance to change the classroom calender, or remember to bring home my goal notes for one of my IEPS. I got home, paid my bills and then preceded to write a report until about 6. I feel like this is all part of being a teacher. Of being a good teacher which I have been told I am. But, it's overwhelming. I am learning and I am trying to keep up. I hate being late. I hate having 3 IEP's that are past due. It drives me bonkers, so much that I almost cannot go into SEIS (where we do our IEPS) because it warns me everytime that these IEP's are late.

>>I refuse to admit that I am stressed. I can handle this. But, I feel every minute there is something I SHOULD be doing. There is only so much I CAN do. Breath.. Make lists, organize my calendar.. This makes me feel better.

wow..