difficult

>>If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know about Jamie. Jamie was my student who was at a receiving home for a month last year while he was in transistion between living placements. Well, I know I haven't gone into much detail since Jamie has been back in the receiving home, but well here is some. Jamie left his last placement because he tried to kill himself and they just felt they could not give him the care he needs. They are trying to place him with distant family (who he was with last year) but there is legal issues, so it prob will not go through. So, they are looking at long term foster care for him. This could be good, or it could be bad. I do not want to lose Jamie again. He has had so many people let him down and give up on him and I will not. I just want to be a consistant good role model for him. I want to be in his life, and be there for him. I took him out on an outing today and we had a really good time. He is a good kid and we talked about a lot of stuff. It surprised me to find out that he really trusts me more than anyone else in his life, and he feels like he can talk to me about anything. I want to be this person. I want him to know that I am here for him, and I will be through everything. I almost wish I was not his teacher because I would think about taking him on as a foster child. I know that is crazy, but he needs good role models in his life. He needs someone who will care for him. Make him do his homework, but also have fun. Give him responsiblities and not give up when things get too hard. I can only do so much. It pulls at my heartstrings because what happens if this foster family does not work out. What happens if they treat him badly? It could be that they are amazing, and it's the family hes always wanted and needed, but what if it doesn't. Last time he moved away I did not have much contact with him/his caregivers until he started having problems. So, what happens now? This is such a hard thing to go through and I do not know what is right. I know what I am doing is right. But, is there more? Should I not be getting so close? Should I not take him out and respect the boundaries of being his teacher? What's the line? Where's the line between being a teacher and being a family for this kid? I just don't know.

out of control

>>Have I started my posts with that recently? It feels like everyday my students are out of control. Well I shouldnt say students, I should say student. Most of it revolves around 2 or 3 of my 11. Today:

A student asked to use the bathroom and never came back. We looked. We had to all call them (over the loud speaker) and finally the custodian found him hiding behind a golf cart. Another student was found on the roof, while he had an aide with him, during the one period where I have no support (or aide) I had to call the other SDC teacher to come watch my kiddos while I sprinted down to the girls locker room.

Finally a student was beyond disrespectful, whiney, anger, mean and I finally gave him a citation after 50 warnings and he sat down and cried..

WOW.

better

>>Everyday gets better.. finding common ground with people, making friends, hearing compliments. This is what makes a happy teacher. Hearing that you did a good job.. that's all it takes.

Just a big mess

>>Today was beyond bonkers. I had to ask my students their ages numerous times and say, "okay, then why are you acting like a kindergartener?" I had to lecture, explain, guilt trip, explain, yell, take away privileges and still it continued all day. The following are a few things my students said today. (please excuse the language)

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

All Indians are evil.

Stop being idiots!

I HATE THIS!

I DONT CARE ANYMORE

I just want to go home.

No.

No.

No.

I am acting like a big kid now!

Why would someone donate sperm?

TITS

>>I am not upset. I am not crazed at the moment. I am just tired. I am tired of ragging on them. THEY ARE 12-14 years old! They should know to be quiet when people are working (when they are supposed to be working), to push in their chairs, to not throw their pencils in the box and put it away nicely, they should put their work away in their folders, or hand it to the teacher. THEY SHOULD COMPLETE THEIR WORK. They should GO TO CLASS. I expect a lot from my students even though they all have disabilities, but I also give them the materials and the strength to succeed. I give them all I can give, and I've given them all I can without just doing it for them. Which is what I dont want. Apparently, I need to reevaluate things, because right now they are not working.

>>I explained to my students that I come home and I get in bed at 7 because I am so tired from nagging them all day. I told them how I hate lecturing them, and I am sure they hate me doing it too, but COME ON. They need to put in the effort. I'm tired of it.

Boo on me!

>>Yes. Yes. I am a failure. I havent posted since dec? maybe before. My bad. Break was wonderful. I was beyond lazy, and it was almost impossible to come back. When I came back from break, I was in for a nice surprise. I got a new student (one of which i knew about) and the Jamie. Does everyone remember Jamie? My student from last year who was taken away from his mom? Who lived in the children's shelter through christmas? well, He had moved about 2 hours away with another aunt and uncle. Apparently, he threatened to kill himself, so his aunt and uncle felt they were not a safe place for him and that they could not take good care of him, so he's back at the children's shelter in my town. We are happy to have him back, but this kid comes with so many emotions he is exhausting. Sometimes he takes advantage of the fact that we care so much about it, so it has been a hard transition to give him boundaries.. we are working on it. But, it's still hard.

>>In the two weeks we have been back I have: filed a CPS report on a student, had a student fall out of his chair in another class (while sleeping) and still not wake up, have 2 students pee their pants (on the same day.. and my kids NEVER have accidents), have a longggggggg IEP, a student refusing to bring extra pull-ups when he poops in his pants numerous times a day (and have many many many people comment about how badly my room smells), have the school psychogist walk in while my students are saying the word abortion in many different pitches, try to explain why people would go to a sperm bank, tell my students that the school has cameras and can watch what they are doing so they better be well behaved and have a student almost get suspended because he was eating his shoe.
My life is never boring.