AHH

>> Jamie may be leaving again. Gosh. As it was last year, it is again one of the hardest situations to go through. I feel like I am his ONLY good stable influence. He is a good kid. He is a fun kid. I have SO much fun being with him. They will not let him have a razor at the receiving home, so I kept him after school today and brought him one to use. Then brought him back around 4. I seriously want to bring him home everyday. Let him sit in my house, eat a snack, do some homework, read. All these things a stable household should be. He has NEVER had that. Well, he has lived with two different uncles and they were good. But, they could not handle him so, it did not work out. So what not? He gets moved to another NEW enviornment. ANOTHER new family. ANOTHER new school. How is that fair? When is it too much? When am I caring too much? There too much? I don't think there is a too much, but maybe there is? This is so beyond anything I have been trained to deal with. Caring for these kids, loving this kids. It's hard.

>> so what now? We wait. We wait to see what his social worker does. He has no say in anything because he is under 16. He cannot even talk during his court dates. He needs to be taught to advocate for himself. But, he can't. It's hard. So, he ends up getting moved again and I may never hear or talk to him again? That's what happened after last year, and I thought I'd never see him again, but now he's back so how do we prevent that? How to I ensure he knows I am here for him no matter what, because that's what he needs. This seems so impossible.

difficult

>>If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know about Jamie. Jamie was my student who was at a receiving home for a month last year while he was in transistion between living placements. Well, I know I haven't gone into much detail since Jamie has been back in the receiving home, but well here is some. Jamie left his last placement because he tried to kill himself and they just felt they could not give him the care he needs. They are trying to place him with distant family (who he was with last year) but there is legal issues, so it prob will not go through. So, they are looking at long term foster care for him. This could be good, or it could be bad. I do not want to lose Jamie again. He has had so many people let him down and give up on him and I will not. I just want to be a consistant good role model for him. I want to be in his life, and be there for him. I took him out on an outing today and we had a really good time. He is a good kid and we talked about a lot of stuff. It surprised me to find out that he really trusts me more than anyone else in his life, and he feels like he can talk to me about anything. I want to be this person. I want him to know that I am here for him, and I will be through everything. I almost wish I was not his teacher because I would think about taking him on as a foster child. I know that is crazy, but he needs good role models in his life. He needs someone who will care for him. Make him do his homework, but also have fun. Give him responsiblities and not give up when things get too hard. I can only do so much. It pulls at my heartstrings because what happens if this foster family does not work out. What happens if they treat him badly? It could be that they are amazing, and it's the family hes always wanted and needed, but what if it doesn't. Last time he moved away I did not have much contact with him/his caregivers until he started having problems. So, what happens now? This is such a hard thing to go through and I do not know what is right. I know what I am doing is right. But, is there more? Should I not be getting so close? Should I not take him out and respect the boundaries of being his teacher? What's the line? Where's the line between being a teacher and being a family for this kid? I just don't know.