Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Feelings
>>Today I am feeling overwhelmed and a bit insane. I felt like I did not sit down for one second even to eat my lunch. I feel like I am doing everything I can but it is not enough to meet the needs of 10 kiddos. It shouldnt be like this. I have never had a problem spreading my love, my concern, my time, but this year.. so far.. I am. I want to be everything for everyone. I want to be there, but I HAVE to draw the line. At a certain point, I have to promote independence. I have to let them just TRY. and then I get emails at 7pm at night complaining about how children are miserable. How they are literally MAKING herself puke in my classroom from anxiety.. That makes me feel awful. How to set limits and give myself some time to breathe while also being everything these kids need?
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Survival
>>I love my post from the other day. I feel good about my ability to survive the days that ALMOST seem unsurvivable. I read a few blogs, and most of them are either about families, or teacher blogs where teachers post teaching materials. I am proud of my ability to not lose my brain with the daily things I deal with and the constant need of being responsible for 10 children for 35 hours a week. (at least!) I guess this all might sound conceded or stuck up, but it's nice to feel confident about my ability, and to remember why I do what I do.
>>Jamie told me on Friday that he has been having thoughts of suicide. This did not shock me, considering he was moved back into the shelter last christmas because of the same things. After talking a bit during the school day, we continued after school, and we decided to call his advocate, and he immediately came over and talked with us both. I worry about him. I am mostly sure this is a cry for attention, but people actually go through with hurting themselves even if it is just for attention. Jamie has SO much on his plate, and the smallest bit of it is being in my class, and some of the larger pieces involve his current foster care placement. He will be in high school next year, and he is already setting up a schedule of days/times he can come hang out with me and see me. I'm glad, because I am not sure what I would do if I didn't get to keep an eye on him. He has asked me repeatedly "Why cant you just adopt me" And then follows it with "I'm just kidding.. i'm just kidding" This is heartbreaking. How to do you explain to a kid with processing disorders that the relationship you have with him right now is how it should/needs to stay. How if you let him live with you, it would ruin what you two have because then instead of being just a teacher and a confident, you would have to be the parent and that would ruin it. This week with all of this craziness, he was neglected. This will happen again this year, but I appreciate his patient with the other students who may be more needy than him and I hope he knows I will always make time for him.
>>Everyday brings new lessons and learning for everyone involved. This sounds so intense and not like me, but I welcome the challenge. I'm excited.
>>Jamie told me on Friday that he has been having thoughts of suicide. This did not shock me, considering he was moved back into the shelter last christmas because of the same things. After talking a bit during the school day, we continued after school, and we decided to call his advocate, and he immediately came over and talked with us both. I worry about him. I am mostly sure this is a cry for attention, but people actually go through with hurting themselves even if it is just for attention. Jamie has SO much on his plate, and the smallest bit of it is being in my class, and some of the larger pieces involve his current foster care placement. He will be in high school next year, and he is already setting up a schedule of days/times he can come hang out with me and see me. I'm glad, because I am not sure what I would do if I didn't get to keep an eye on him. He has asked me repeatedly "Why cant you just adopt me" And then follows it with "I'm just kidding.. i'm just kidding" This is heartbreaking. How to do you explain to a kid with processing disorders that the relationship you have with him right now is how it should/needs to stay. How if you let him live with you, it would ruin what you two have because then instead of being just a teacher and a confident, you would have to be the parent and that would ruin it. This week with all of this craziness, he was neglected. This will happen again this year, but I appreciate his patient with the other students who may be more needy than him and I hope he knows I will always make time for him.
>>Everyday brings new lessons and learning for everyone involved. This sounds so intense and not like me, but I welcome the challenge. I'm excited.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
My day..
>>My day at school started this morning when I got to school at 7. Luckily another teacher and I established a coffee deal last week (I buy this Friday, you buy next week) so I had large iced coffee waiting for me. I ran around making copies and copies and copies. Filling folders with work. Chatting about field trips.
740: get a call from a morning yard duty that Phillip had laid down in a puddle of water and was running around soaked and refused to listen to the duty. I took off my nice high heel (for back to school night) shoes, put on my flip flops and go to search for him. Find him. Get him clothing from the nurse. Take him to change. Bell rings to start school.
8: [1st period] Take roll, two different parents come in to have conversations. Listen to announcements. Attempt to get students to sit in their seats and listen, so I can listen, so when their parents ask when a certain activity is I can tell them.
Teach Lang. Arts. Send the 6th graders to their first day of P.E. Explain to my I.A. what to do. Make additional copies. Balance between kids screaming my name and trying to tell me something. Back and forth. 6th graders actually didnt have P.E. Find something for them to do. Finish teaching 2 students how to write a 5 paragraph essay about summer.
9:00: [2nd period] Phillips mom comes in the middle of math time with new clothes. The nurse called her. Talk with her. Teach Math. Explain to I.A. what to do. Explain to student teacher what to do. Talk with New 6th Grade girl (will come up with a name later) about how we need to do our work. Talk with John about how he is now in 8th grade and needs to set a good example. John asks to talk outside. Tells me Phillip said the "F word" on the bus.". Thank John for telling me, but internally think "How the HECK am I going to deal with this" Phillip wants to change. I.A. takes him to the bathroom. New 6th grade boy wants to go with. Hold door closed so he can't run out. I.A. comes back. New 6th boy is happy now. Bell rings.
10:00: [Prep Period] walk papers down to a history class. Find out that Phillip has not made it to history class since changing. Search. Search. Search. Find him alone in my classroom. Walk him to History. Prep for Back to School Night includes punching out letters for a sign in my classroom.
10:50: [My lunch] Write down 3 different ID numbers. Help ALL my students get their lunches. Sit them at a table. Make sure they are okay. New 6th grade boy sleeping at table. Bring him to my classroom. New 6th grade boy immediately falls asleep in the classroom. Girl comes in to drop off backpack. Sophia hurt her knee, comes in with ice. Spends the rest of the lunch time in my room.
11:45: [5th period] 6th graders are supposed to go to science. New 6th grade girl's tummy hurts wants to call her mom 6th boy is still sleeping. Try to wake him up. Nothing. Call mom. Doesnt pick up. Call 6th grade girls mom. Doesn't pick up. She goes to nurse. Try to start girls on their math. 6th-girls mom calls. Discuss her stomach hurting. Go pick her up from the nurse. Bring her back. CAll her mom. She decides to put her head down. They both rest for another hour.
12:30: [6th period] - New 6th grade boy wakes up. Take him to the bathroom. Needs help. Help. He talks throughout. Get back to class and the I.A. has started some new art project with felt letters. Finish and start on Language Arts.
1:30: Pick out reading books. Argue over certain peoples favorite books not being picked. Explain how to act when we are reading. Demonstrate. Begin reading. Stop. Explain again how we act. Read. Stop. Explain again. Start cleaning up for parents tonight. Students ask why. Explain. Free time. Students all want/need/want something. Talk. Talk. Explain. Play Uno. Clean. Phillips mom is picking him up. Calls again, no he is taking the bus. Calls again no pick up. Get kids on bus. Bells rings kids leave.
Try to track down Phillips mom and New 6th grade girls mom. Find Phillips mom. Talk about Football. Wait with New 6th-girl. Wait. Mom comes.
3-5 Go to other job for 2 hours. Eat in the car. Parents night at 6-8:15. 3 parents showed up. (2 of my old students - best part)
>>Wow. Today my head is spinning. I'm tired. But I wanted to blog so I remember how good I am. How I can handle anything.
740: get a call from a morning yard duty that Phillip had laid down in a puddle of water and was running around soaked and refused to listen to the duty. I took off my nice high heel (for back to school night) shoes, put on my flip flops and go to search for him. Find him. Get him clothing from the nurse. Take him to change. Bell rings to start school.
8: [1st period] Take roll, two different parents come in to have conversations. Listen to announcements. Attempt to get students to sit in their seats and listen, so I can listen, so when their parents ask when a certain activity is I can tell them.
Teach Lang. Arts. Send the 6th graders to their first day of P.E. Explain to my I.A. what to do. Make additional copies. Balance between kids screaming my name and trying to tell me something. Back and forth. 6th graders actually didnt have P.E. Find something for them to do. Finish teaching 2 students how to write a 5 paragraph essay about summer.
9:00: [2nd period] Phillips mom comes in the middle of math time with new clothes. The nurse called her. Talk with her. Teach Math. Explain to I.A. what to do. Explain to student teacher what to do. Talk with New 6th Grade girl (will come up with a name later) about how we need to do our work. Talk with John about how he is now in 8th grade and needs to set a good example. John asks to talk outside. Tells me Phillip said the "F word" on the bus.". Thank John for telling me, but internally think "How the HECK am I going to deal with this" Phillip wants to change. I.A. takes him to the bathroom. New 6th grade boy wants to go with. Hold door closed so he can't run out. I.A. comes back. New 6th boy is happy now. Bell rings.
10:00: [Prep Period] walk papers down to a history class. Find out that Phillip has not made it to history class since changing. Search. Search. Search. Find him alone in my classroom. Walk him to History. Prep for Back to School Night includes punching out letters for a sign in my classroom.
10:50: [My lunch] Write down 3 different ID numbers. Help ALL my students get their lunches. Sit them at a table. Make sure they are okay. New 6th grade boy sleeping at table. Bring him to my classroom. New 6th grade boy immediately falls asleep in the classroom. Girl comes in to drop off backpack. Sophia hurt her knee, comes in with ice. Spends the rest of the lunch time in my room.
11:45: [5th period] 6th graders are supposed to go to science. New 6th grade girl's tummy hurts wants to call her mom 6th boy is still sleeping. Try to wake him up. Nothing. Call mom. Doesnt pick up. Call 6th grade girls mom. Doesn't pick up. She goes to nurse. Try to start girls on their math. 6th-girls mom calls. Discuss her stomach hurting. Go pick her up from the nurse. Bring her back. CAll her mom. She decides to put her head down. They both rest for another hour.
12:30: [6th period] - New 6th grade boy wakes up. Take him to the bathroom. Needs help. Help. He talks throughout. Get back to class and the I.A. has started some new art project with felt letters. Finish and start on Language Arts.
1:30: Pick out reading books. Argue over certain peoples favorite books not being picked. Explain how to act when we are reading. Demonstrate. Begin reading. Stop. Explain again how we act. Read. Stop. Explain again. Start cleaning up for parents tonight. Students ask why. Explain. Free time. Students all want/need/want something. Talk. Talk. Explain. Play Uno. Clean. Phillips mom is picking him up. Calls again, no he is taking the bus. Calls again no pick up. Get kids on bus. Bells rings kids leave.
Try to track down Phillips mom and New 6th grade girls mom. Find Phillips mom. Talk about Football. Wait with New 6th-girl. Wait. Mom comes.
3-5 Go to other job for 2 hours. Eat in the car. Parents night at 6-8:15. 3 parents showed up. (2 of my old students - best part)
>>Wow. Today my head is spinning. I'm tired. But I wanted to blog so I remember how good I am. How I can handle anything.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Back Back Back
>>Officially back to school. I was ready, except for the fact that after each day this week where I had students (Wednesday, Thursday and Friday) I was beyond exhausted. I wanted needed a nap. I was over come with sleepiness and luckily stopped myself from sleeping and instead went to bed at an acceptable 9 pm. Not to mention we had over a week of 100 degree weather I was spent. But, I was ready.
>>The dynamics of my classroom have changed quiet a bit this year [as it seems to do every year]. After 4 rowdy boys graduating last year, I now have an almost even number of boys and girls. THIS IS AMAZING. In special education there is almost always more boys than girls. Times in the past I have only had 1 girl in my class. This year I actually have a entire period with JUST girls. They are peaceful, fun, giggly and just enjoyable. Also my class is moving toward the more severe end of the special education spectrum. But this is enjoyable too. We get to do a lot more functional academics which end up being way more fun. I am just excited. This is the first year where I have NO nerves before the first day of school. I rocked it. I covered rules, made fun get to know you activities AND completed all of the beginning assessments I needed to get done. I have already put up art activities for next weeks back to school night AND made goal binders for all my students.
>>let's get this year going!
>>The dynamics of my classroom have changed quiet a bit this year [as it seems to do every year]. After 4 rowdy boys graduating last year, I now have an almost even number of boys and girls. THIS IS AMAZING. In special education there is almost always more boys than girls. Times in the past I have only had 1 girl in my class. This year I actually have a entire period with JUST girls. They are peaceful, fun, giggly and just enjoyable. Also my class is moving toward the more severe end of the special education spectrum. But this is enjoyable too. We get to do a lot more functional academics which end up being way more fun. I am just excited. This is the first year where I have NO nerves before the first day of school. I rocked it. I covered rules, made fun get to know you activities AND completed all of the beginning assessments I needed to get done. I have already put up art activities for next weeks back to school night AND made goal binders for all my students.
>>let's get this year going!
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