Survival

>>I love my post from the other day. I feel good about my ability to survive the days that ALMOST seem unsurvivable. I read a few blogs, and most of them are either about families, or teacher blogs where teachers post teaching materials. I am proud of my ability to not lose my brain with the daily things I deal with and the constant need of being responsible for 10 children for 35 hours a week. (at least!) I guess this all might sound conceded or stuck up, but it's nice to feel confident about my ability, and to remember why I do what I do.

>>Jamie told me on Friday that he has been having thoughts of suicide. This did not shock me, considering he was moved back into the shelter last christmas because of the same things. After talking a bit during the school day, we continued after school, and we decided to call his advocate, and he immediately came over and talked with us both. I worry about him. I am mostly sure this is a cry for attention, but people actually go through with hurting themselves even if it is just for attention. Jamie has SO much on his plate, and the smallest bit of it is being in my class, and some of the larger pieces involve his current foster care placement. He will be in high school next year, and he is already setting up a schedule of days/times he can come hang out with me and see me. I'm glad, because I am not sure what I would do if I didn't get to keep an eye on him. He has asked me repeatedly "Why cant you just adopt me" And then follows it with "I'm just kidding.. i'm just kidding" This is heartbreaking. How to do you explain to a kid with processing disorders that the relationship you have with him right now is how it should/needs to stay. How if you let him live with you, it would ruin what you two have because then instead of being just a teacher and a confident, you would have to be the parent and that would ruin it. This week with all of this craziness, he was neglected. This will happen again this year, but I appreciate his patient with the other students who may be more needy than him and I hope he knows I will always make time for him.

>>Everyday brings new lessons and learning for everyone involved. This sounds so intense and not like me, but I welcome the challenge. I'm excited.