hm..

>>People keep telling me that this is how I feel at the beginning of every year. I find that hard to believe. It doesn't seem to get any easier, and things do not seem to be calming down. I know they will. I know my students will find their grooves. I know my aides will step it up. Lately I am feeling bossy and controlling and I feel like I am having to tell EVERYONE who steps foot into my classroom things that they should already know. This gets tiring. My 6th graders are tiring. They are new, but they come from situations that gave them much more structure and assistance than I give them. Does this make sense? They came from much more restrictive environments. 5th grade in general is much more restrictive. One classroom. One teacher. Less students. But 6th grade is not like that. And I refused create an environment for my students that is like this. One teacher, one classroom, less students. I feel like given time my students thrive in the environment that I have set up for them. But, it takes time. Last year I had very very independent 6th graders so my time did not need to be spent on worrying about what they were doing during their free time. During passing period, during general education classes, during lunch. This year, it is not the case. Things are different and this is exhausting because I am the one picking up the slack. Obviously that is my job, but It's still hard to meet the needs of my 6 other students just because my 3 6th graders require extra attention.

>>Jamie had a rather large melt down this week. Like, 2 years ago kind of melt down. He carries every type of stress with him. Everything everyone in his life shares with him he carries with him and this is stressing him out. He cannot handle even the smallest amount of pressure put on him because of the weight he has carrying from everyone else. How can I take some away from him? I am not sure. Many times this week I have had to tell him "I am sorry I've been so busy.. I am sorry we haven't had time to talk. I am sorry I can't help you more" And always replies with, "it's fine. I understand. You don't have to take time for me" But I do. I care about this kid so much and I want to see him succeed. So, Time needs to be taken to reevaluate my schedule. What I am doing. and Time needs to be taken for Jamie. And Not only Jamie but Phillip and Sophia and John and everyone else in my class. I know many of my blogs this year have been about not having enough time, but it's true. I feel like I do not have enough time in the day. I get to school an hour early. I work continuous throughout the day. Balancing students and adults and paperwork. I will continue to strive for meeting all my students needs.

>>Another added pressure this year is our district is going through whats called a self review. Over the summer our IEPs were ALL gone through and made sure we are in compliance with what is in them. A few of them (I have one) we need to go back and re hold IEPS to make sure boxes are checked correctly, goals or added, or other items changed. We do this because some hire ups choose one district to come through and audit their IEPS. We hope hope hope hope it is not us, but we go through and make these changes to make sure if they do choose us that we will pass with flying colors. Part of this self review is completing service logs for all of our students. This means that every time I see my students (3x a day for each student) I have to document that they are in my classroom receiving their services. This adds another LARGE amount of paperwork that I need to complete now. Balance. Balance Balance.

>>I guess the worst part is I don't even have any funny quotes to share. Is this what burnout feels like? It's only been 3 years.